write

Love Potion

Poetry soothes my soul with its directness and metaphors. It is a friendly creature, but changes it form, consistency, just like water. I have not written a poem in some time, it feels, so here is one today. (I forgot to include Saturday and Sunday plans in my writing schedule. Oops!)

 

There is no special
way, to find your forever.
It happens when it’s
 
Time. No more, no less.
Be yourself, be patient, and
the one will find you.
 
Throw out lines, baited,
if you must, but don’t forget
chasing love scares it.
 
It is timid and
slow to eat from the hand
it is offered, friend.
Something that you feel will find its own form. ~ Jack Kerouac

Writing Schedule: My Attempt

After some hard googling, looking at examples, and a firm talk to myself…. I think I have created a workable writing schedule for myself! It will probably adapt as I figure out what works best for me, but this is a good starting point.

Here is what it looks like:

54729520_2139241239524130_7281187323092402176_n

I have four hours of solid writing time, three hours reading, two hours exercise including rest and snack, and one hour TV watching. I’ve built in relax time too (which is usually TV watching, too, but can be doing stuff around the house).

Since we spent the weekend away with Andrew’s family, I didn’t start this Monday or even today. I am going to push myself to abandon my dream land and get a start on the day bright and early. It may seem like 4am is a very early time (it fricken is), but it will help my husband get to work earlier. That will help us both out.

Realistically, if I get bit by the writing bug and NEED to keep writing (known to happen), I will do so. If I wake up at 2:30am needing to work on my book (has happened, too) then I will do so. My writing and reading trump (almost) everything else and will be given priority.

However since I have been having issues incorporating both into my day to day life, this should force me into high gear on both. It will also give me things to write about for my blog since I plan on focusing on writing and reading on here, too. (Other topics may be touched upon now and then, but not weekly).

Wish me luck, followers!

Despite The Fear And Hate

{Below awaits my attempt at the Quatern style poem. Hope you enjoy!)

 

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

And drop their sharp blades from your hands

Pick up the pen, and write again

Fill the pages with scrolling lines

 

Work with the light of day and night

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

Quiet the doubts swirling inside

Break free the bars that cage your might

 

Your tale needs telling, use your voice

Others will listen, given the choice

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

Use it to fuel your writing craze

 

It is a daunting task you’ve set

One many will never have met

Success awaits the effort, and

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

Failure’s Trap

Failure is just around the bend

Willing, Waiting,

Wanting us to burn.

It thrives on hopeless dreams

Time wasting as goals pass us by.

It digs a hole for us everyday

Hides it right beneath our eyes.

Sometimes it’s best to give up,

Give in before it hits.

You’ll think you dodged a bullet

But regret hits you real quick.

Hard to say anything

About the end game.

All I know is

Today I walked past Failure’s trap

And shook hands with a better friend.

 

[Yesterday’s Word Count: 660]

[Today’s Word Count: 1, 718]

*I have been struggling, I will admit, but today I feel ahead of the game, on the right path for once. I got a decent word count considering the late start I got to writing (I may have been up at 5 am, but dogs and hubby desired attention for a while). I put a dent in then shoveled. I had to eat at points like everyone does, but I feel good about what I got done today.

*The only issue? I have to decided if the couple of chapters I’ve written do what they need to or not. If they do, I just have to edit/revise until the next chunk of writing has to happen (which is 6-7 chapters later). If they don’t, I keep writing or look over what I’ve done so far and reassess. The choices.

*While feedback is nice, sometimes it is tough to act on or time consuming. I personally have a nagging worry that what I’m doing isn’t necessarily what my few readers were looking for. Time will tell though and I’m going to bask in my happiness for now!

Dig Deep, Fight Forward

Managed to be productive over the weekend. We finished the storage room (previously known as the small animal room), and are working on the linen closet now. I tidied the upstairs while Andrew slept, and he was pleasantly surprised.

However I failed myself already today. I swore last night I would wake up at 5 am, and I didn’t, I slept in. The late start has butchered my day. I had an hour round trip to make to get my one dog’s food (joys of feeding a prescription diet only available at a veterinarian clinic), and items to drop off at my parents, and brief grocery shopping to do, too.

This all meant I got home at 11 am, and my dogs got the latest breakfast ever. It means I had a very late start to a day I meant to be filled with energy and creativity. Instead I feel sapped of every ambition I ever had, and want to waste the rest of the day away.

I HATE feeling like that.

Forcing myself to sit at the computer is one thing. Actually writing something worthwhile is another. That’s the hardest pill for me to swallow at the moment.

The truth is I feel lost, and this blog post is simply a stream of consciousness.

I am unsure of what to post, and this fills the void in a rather lackluster way. I like the poems I write (some from imaginative places and some from the emotional truths of day to day life). I want to push past that which I’ve said before, but I’m stuck on how to do it.

Instead I post about knitting (I’ve started a baby cocoon now from soft rainbow/white yarn). I talk about baking with my mom, and other familial experiences. I have posted some artsy endeavours.

Why?

Because my life is random as hell and yet predictable, too.

The rut I’m in seems to be unending, and I look into my past to analyze all the other choices I could have made. I like to think I know where they would have taken me in life, but I don’t.

What I do know is, I need to find something that works, because I definitely love writing and want to do it for the rest of my life. The problem is, I struggle with my insecurities and the ‘normal’ life everyone around is living, the natural progression of their lives. The comparisons I constantly make about my life versus others is a waste of my (and your) time, too.

I need to find a way to work on my book, and shit getting done, too. Searching for distractions is slowing me down too much, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m failing day after day.

Good news though. Tomorrow is another day to make it happen. That doesn’t mean I don’t try and salvage what I can from what is left of today. It means I can pick myself up tomorrow and do what needs doing. It is in me after all.

Thanks for reading my rant, and maybe relating to elements of it. Any tips on what you do to overcome these moments are welcome.

Routine Has Run Amuck

I thought I was making progress, waking up at 5 am, but alas it does not seem to be the case. While I did not have a lazy weekend, I very much wanted to relax with my husband, and don’t feel I got a chance to at all.

That is why on Monday when he asked me if I thought he should call in sick (because of his right ankle still recovering from some random injury), I said yes. I needed/wanted that day with him, and I feel like it set me back a bit. We had a good talk about things, but I also took like twenty-three naps, and felt super lazy. I didn’t post a blog or work on my book.

When Tuesday rolled around, my body had to recover from all the sleep the day before or so it seemed. I managed to post a poem (pretty much about this stuff), but no work was done on my book. I didn’t clean the house, and I left assembling garbage and recycling until Andrew got home (something I usually do at the start of the day).

Now, it’s Wednesday and it’s just after noon. I wasted the morning away on a stupid show (Thanks, Netflix, you piece of shit!), and am just now sitting at my computer.

I don’t think I can begin to describe the frustration I feel with myself.

I want to get my book done, honestly, I really do. And yet…. while I work on it, I am in a realm of possibilities instead of certainties. At this point, I don’t know if my book will flop or be successful. It is that very thought that seems to be holding me back right now.

The other fact is, the longer I take to edit/write my book, the longer it will take to embark on the path of being published (be it self published or with the help of a literary agent). That part could take a long ass time on its own, and I need to keep fighting my way there even if my opponent is myself.

This time loop I seem to be in needs to end, and today, I am going to do just that!

I vow to wake up at 5 am tomorrow (and leave behind whatever delicious dreams I find myself in), and write! I will post a blog and I will get more work done on my chapters.

I will do this day after day. It is abundantly clear I can’t give myself weekends off, or latch on to lame excuses. My routine needs to be reestablished, and while today may be lost in terms of productivity, the week will not be!

It is important to acknowledge that we all take steps backwards from time to time, or halt our progress, but that is when we must turn to ourselves (and/or others) for the motivation to move forward! While it is important to take care of ourselves, sometimes pushing to the edge when it doesn’t seem possible is the best way to do it!

I hope you all manage to find it in yourselves to tackle the projects you’re working on!

Best of luck in your journey and don’t forget to share some of that luck with me (and others), too!

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life. ~Lawrence Kasdan

Tools of the Trade

Sorry for not posting anything yesterday, but I had a brainstorm session about the feedback I’d received for my book. It was awesomely fun, and I feel really good about the changes I’ve decided to make (thanks to amazing individuals with great feedback)!

As much as I want to start on them today, I want to stew on them over the weekend (plus when Andrew’s home, I’m often not as productive as I’d like). I also want to retrieve a bound copy of my manuscript my father did for me. It should help immensely for referencing instead of pinpointing sections on the computer.

I still plan on posting something daily while I go back to work on my book though forgive me if I miss a day here and there. The list of things I’m incharge of at our house has yet to shrink or shift to another’s shoulders (though I do enjoy it), and so certain things may drop every now and then.

Anyways to the point of my post!

Tools.of.the.Trade.jpg

The picture above are the things I use most frequently when writing my book!

A dictionary and a thesaurus are a must. I use the dictionary to make sure I am using words correctly (I have an awful memory on occasion). The thesaurus helps me change up words if/when I feel I am using the same one too much.

The green book holds ideas for my manuscript, and I write other novel ideas I have in there. One project at a time or I get overwhelmed!

The fox pen adds things to the green book (I love foxes and wolves, stereotypically!), and makes me relax at the sight of it.

The most important component though is my USB drive on an Eevee lanyard (yes, love Pokemon, play Pokemon Go!). I back up EVERYTHING onto it. My character details, plot, and of course, the chapters written first.

I do have a corkboard that has printed copies for me to reference as I write, and I have to find a new spot for it since I have upgraded from my crappy ASUS laptop to an actual desktop. (Andrew knows some IT stuff, and so it is a beaut!)

I am looking forward to imploying all these tools again, and revisiting characters I have shelved for longer than liked.

Wish me luck!

 

An artist is a sort of emotional or spiritual historian. His role is to make you realize the doom and glory of knowing who are and what you are. ~ James Baldwin

2019: My Year of Change

It is the start of a new year, and I felt I should share some things. Make myself accountable to myself and the eyes of others.

To start with, I shared my book with a few individuals, and I am waiting on one to finish the last twelve chapters before getting her notes. I have received very good feedback, and believe most of it will improve my book. They definitely will add more thrills to the story line, and chances to connect with the characters. *fingers crossed*

I have to say it is great to be writing on here everyday (almost), and working more on my manuscript. Also, picking up books, and actually reading the amount I used to has been great too. I hope to query more literary agents in 2019 while both writing and reading to grow myself and my ‘craft’. Over the past few weeks, I have accumulated a variety of works by different authors to challenge myself in that regard.

January is always an interesting month for me, I find. Not only is it the changing of the year and the beginning of new dawns, but it is also my birth month. I will be turning 27 in eighteen days, and I have struggled with my age for a few years now. Growing baby pressure (from family and myself), a need to move from the house my husband and I have outgrown, and the fact that I feel I am stepping backwards in life make it tough to think “age is just a number.”

However, I am GOING to change that thinking this year. Too often I let the voices of others outweigh my own, and it isn’t fair to me or to them. They don’t get to see who I truly am, and I torture myself to fit their molds. I may be loud, boisterous, and absolutely abnormal, but there is nothing wrong with that or me. I may be crude, overly honest, and share too much about myself (before I get to know you), but that is who I am. I am not going to be ashamed or apologize for it anymore.

This year, I am going to fight for a healthy me, in mind, spirit, and body. I am going to continue pursuing my dreams of being a writer, and make it happen. This is the time to put energy towards projects, and make them a reality! I have no one to blame, but myself if it doesn’t come true, after all.

I know plenty of people are posting this kind of ‘shit’, but it is a way to air out the old and grasp the new we want for ourselves. Rejoice in who you are now, and make the changes you need to to be happy. That is what we owe ourselves and those who spend time with us. Denying our truths not only denies others our true spirits, but an amazing freedom we all have the right to experience in our lives.

So, to be one of those people, here is the sum of my resolutions for 2019:

  1. Eat better and exercise to become a happier, less negativity person
  2. Read more (outside the box), and write more (outside the box)
  3. Keep trying to get representation for my manuscript (also look into self publishing)
  4. Keep active on my blog, and learn from those on here
  5. Craft more too!

I know resolutions can be cheesy, and many die before the end of January, but this year is gonna be my bitch! (To put it bluntly). There’s a fire in me, and I am fanning the flames, and keeping it burning!

I hope this year is everything you want/need it to be! Remember, treat yourself and others kindly!

Just write everyday of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers. ~ Ray Bradbury

 

P.S. I am going to be listening to High Hopes by Panic! at the Disco on my rougher days to keep myself inspired. Any songs you think would benefit me on low energy, depressing, or just tragic days, share them! I will also takes motivating/inspire/truthful quotes, too!

Pen and Paper

A pale face stares back,
Greenish blue eyes,
Pierce a wanderer’s soul,
From a reflective pool.
‘Is the writing any good?
‘Am I living my dream?’
‘No’, the quiet voice answers,
As a tear glides gently down
A fair freckled cheek.
Anger swells in the woman
Before the soul in the mirror.
‘I will be one day’
She says out loud,
Squaring off against her fears.
Turning her back to the world
She walks away.
Fingers tightly gripping
Pen and Paper.
Words scrawled on pages,
Day after Day,
For ages upon ages.
The woman returns to the mirror
The calm pond, clear,
Shows her soul’s darkest self.
No words need to leave her lips
The quiet voice is stronger now,
‘It is time.
‘Go show the World,
The Magic you can make.’
With a silent nod
The woman walks away once more.
Pride fills her step,
And soon
Her words will reach once deaf ears.