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Anxious Honesty

The voice in my head is telling me I’ve wasted two years on a dream that will never come true. I had a book idea and I ran with it. I didn’t fight hard enough for it though.

More and more, my husband seems to get mad that I’m not working on my book. That I’m not bringing in any money. That I’m just ‘lounging’ around the house.

It doesn’t matter that I clean the house top to bottom by myself. I weed the gardens and mow the lawn and whippersnip, by myself. I feed the cats and dogs day and night by myself. I do the laundry, by myself. I make the appointments for both of us. Keep a running list of things. Try to be the voice of reason more often than not. (I will admit he helps on occasion, but not near enough…)

I wish I was bringing in money. I wish I had fought harder for my book. It feels like the only choice is to abandon it entirely. It’s not what I want, but I always put everyone else ahead of me.

But then that leaves me with a blog and a twitter account that serve no real purpose anymore, right?

So, I’ve applied to part-time jobs in the mean time. I’ve started freelance transcribing again for Rev. I’ve created a Ko-Fi account in hopes of some additional help so that I can keep writing.

I want to keep writing, I really do, but this voice tells me there’s no point anymore. If I was really passionate about it, I’d be somewhere other than editing, right?

Anyways, that’s the end, (I think), of my self-pitying post. I had to say it before it ate me alive though I still think it might.

 

https://ko-fi.com/kemwriting is the link to donate to my creative path. I’m sure after a decent cry, I’ll be up to fighting again…

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Sick and it Bites!

Ick! I’m sick for the first time in like… two years and it sucks! I have been eating better, exercising, drinking tons of water, and I have been forsaken by my immune system.

It started yesterday, this stupid sore throat with wonky headness. Yep. That’s a word now. The brain fog is real and my face feels so weird. All I want to do is sleep, but I somehow still have normal energy levels combined with my wonderful restlessness.

So… I’m going to go do my yoga, and veg out some more to Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. It is a Netflix original series and is a retake on Sabrina Spellman, that adorable show from when we were kids. However, I love this darker view soooo much better! (Plus, totally in love with the idea of magic)

If I didn’t feel dizzy like I lost my land legs and got dock rock, I would push myself to read, but instead… I’m hoping to fall asleep to give my body that extra time to get rid of this bull*&%$ cold, flu, whatever!

I have to start feeling better to clean the house, get laundry done, and be productive. So here’s hoping tomorrow I wake up feeling better and can put this lapse on my immune system’s part to rest.

Take care of yourselves!

Writing Schedule: My Attempt

After some hard googling, looking at examples, and a firm talk to myself…. I think I have created a workable writing schedule for myself! It will probably adapt as I figure out what works best for me, but this is a good starting point.

Here is what it looks like:

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I have four hours of solid writing time, three hours reading, two hours exercise including rest and snack, and one hour TV watching. I’ve built in relax time too (which is usually TV watching, too, but can be doing stuff around the house).

Since we spent the weekend away with Andrew’s family, I didn’t start this Monday or even today. I am going to push myself to abandon my dream land and get a start on the day bright and early. It may seem like 4am is a very early time (it fricken is), but it will help my husband get to work earlier. That will help us both out.

Realistically, if I get bit by the writing bug and NEED to keep writing (known to happen), I will do so. If I wake up at 2:30am needing to work on my book (has happened, too) then I will do so. My writing and reading trump (almost) everything else and will be given priority.

However since I have been having issues incorporating both into my day to day life, this should force me into high gear on both. It will also give me things to write about for my blog since I plan on focusing on writing and reading on here, too. (Other topics may be touched upon now and then, but not weekly).

Wish me luck, followers!

Strawberry-Banana Smoothie = Easy

I have been making Strawberry-Banana Smoothies for the past couple days in a bid to add more fruit to my diet. They taste delicious and they definitely are satisfying. Plus it is an easy way to eat and write at the same time! So here is how I make mine!

-4 to 5 strawberries, frozen

-1/4 cup water

-1 whole banana, peeled

-1 1/2 tbsps greek yogurt

-a dash of cinnamon

 

Now I use a magic bullet and this makes about one serving. If you use an actual blender or whatever, play around with the measurements to find the perfect blend for you!

  1. I rinse the strawberries under hot water to remove any ice and to thaw them just a bit.
  2. Strawberries and water get blended together until smooth.
  3. Next, add the banana and greek yogurt. Blend again until smooth.
  4. Add a dash of cinnamon (or whatever amount you prefer) [optional step]

It will be nice and cold for you and ready to drink. It is the only way (aside from cake) that I will eat bananas since they have a funny texture. The potassium supposed to help my sore muscles and seems to have done so already.

My ‘secret’ ingredient, the cinnamon, is supposed to be good for boosting metabolism, and I don’t mind a hand in that department! (Don’t add to everything though, because it does ruin a good chicken burger!).

Anyways, I’m off to do my yoga and write more for my book! A late start doesn’t mean a day is ruined, after all!

 

It Clicked!

Yesterday was the best day of writing I have had in a looooonnnngggggg time. I managed to get to 1,894 words! That’s equal to one chapter!

I will be honest though. It happened in a short span of time, early afternoon. The desk had not called to me and when I realized I was making excuses, I called myself on it.

“No, Kelsey,” I started in on my own lecture, “You’re not going to fumble about the kitchen until you’ve written for an hour, got it?”

And that forced my to the chair at my desk. What started as an hour, became two, and then three. At that point I needed a very late lunch and Andrew would be home in a few minutes. As much as I wanted to keep writing, I knew it was better not to push myself and burn out, but instead accomplish a few other things around the house.

Andrew was proud of what I managed to do, and thankfully, he help me clean the house this morning as a reward (or so I think). But yesterday, it finally clicked. My passion to truly write was back and I didn’t feel like I was forcing myself. It happened on its own and I didn’t even feel the time fly.

I am hoping to get some more writing done today, but I only do a little on the weekends so I can spend time with my husband. Plus, there’s the matter of my brother and my future sister-in-law’s Stag and Doe tonight!

There is going to be food and drink, and we recently committed to eating healthier. My husband can’t have alcohol thanks to his fatty liver and not long ago episode of pancreatitis. I choose not to drink alcohol, because of an uncle who based away from his addiction to the stuff. (I got really drunk once after his death and realized what I was feeling from its effects was what he had been looking for, too. Since then, don’t have more then 2-3 coolers in a year, if that).

The food will be another problem, too, since it will be all fatty, sugary shit. Andrew can’t have that stuff because of aforementioned pancreatitis and fatty liver. I can’t have it, because I’m sick of being heavy and unhappy. I’ve managed to get us exercising and we don’t really eat out much, but we do have larger portions of things we shouldn’t.

Anyways, wish us luck avoiding pop and junky food tonight! (and don’t forget some for my book, too!)