Anxious Honesty

The voice in my head is telling me I’ve wasted two years on a dream that will never come true. I had a book idea and I ran with it. I didn’t fight hard enough for it though.

More and more, my husband seems to get mad that I’m not working on my book. That I’m not bringing in any money. That I’m just ‘lounging’ around the house.

It doesn’t matter that I clean the house top to bottom by myself. I weed the gardens and mow the lawn and whippersnip, by myself. I feed the cats and dogs day and night by myself. I do the laundry, by myself. I make the appointments for both of us. Keep a running list of things. Try to be the voice of reason more often than not. (I will admit he helps on occasion, but not near enough…)

I wish I was bringing in money. I wish I had fought harder for my book. It feels like the only choice is to abandon it entirely. It’s not what I want, but I always put everyone else ahead of me.

But then that leaves me with a blog and a twitter account that serve no real purpose anymore, right?

So, I’ve applied to part-time jobs in the mean time. I’ve started freelance transcribing again for Rev. I’ve created a Ko-Fi account in hopes of some additional help so that I can keep writing.

I want to keep writing, I really do, but this voice tells me there’s no point anymore. If I was really passionate about it, I’d be somewhere other than editing, right?

Anyways, that’s the end, (I think), of my self-pitying post. I had to say it before it ate me alive though I still think it might.

 

https://ko-fi.com/kemwriting is the link to donate to my creative path. I’m sure after a decent cry, I’ll be up to fighting again…

Failure’s Trap

Failure is just around the bend

Willing, Waiting,

Wanting us to burn.

It thrives on hopeless dreams

Time wasting as goals pass us by.

It digs a hole for us everyday

Hides it right beneath our eyes.

Sometimes it’s best to give up,

Give in before it hits.

You’ll think you dodged a bullet

But regret hits you real quick.

Hard to say anything

About the end game.

All I know is

Today I walked past Failure’s trap

And shook hands with a better friend.

 

[Yesterday’s Word Count: 660]

[Today’s Word Count: 1, 718]

*I have been struggling, I will admit, but today I feel ahead of the game, on the right path for once. I got a decent word count considering the late start I got to writing (I may have been up at 5 am, but dogs and hubby desired attention for a while). I put a dent in then shoveled. I had to eat at points like everyone does, but I feel good about what I got done today.

*The only issue? I have to decided if the couple of chapters I’ve written do what they need to or not. If they do, I just have to edit/revise until the next chunk of writing has to happen (which is 6-7 chapters later). If they don’t, I keep writing or look over what I’ve done so far and reassess. The choices.

*While feedback is nice, sometimes it is tough to act on or time consuming. I personally have a nagging worry that what I’m doing isn’t necessarily what my few readers were looking for. Time will tell though and I’m going to bask in my happiness for now!

Lust’s Collapse

Finger tips trace

Lover’s soft skin.

Lips meet

Share more than words.

Need.

Pure want for it

That beguiling touch.

Bask in passionate warmth

Skin to skin.

Bodies move as one

Synchronized.

Climbing higher

Higher.

Sweat forms.

Fevered moans.

Heads tossed back

To greet Ecstasy.

Cries ring out,

Trembling flesh

Atop heavy breaths.

Collapse

In Sweet Climax.