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It’s Been a While

Hello everyone!

I know I’ve been gone for too long. When deciding to take the break, I never imagined time would slip so quickly past me and leave me wondering where it went. It has just flown by for a variety of reasons and now, I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.

First off, I had an amazing seasonal job for November and December. Management was awesome, coworkers were just great, and it was a fun environment. There were a lot of us seasonals and they definitely want some of us back, but they had no room to add any of us to their store’s roster. That sucked, but I continued on enjoying the job for as long as I could.

Then came January. My birth month. After Christmas, which I always find stressful, I didn’t want to deal with getting older and feeling further behind in life. I was left to find another, most likely part-time, job during the slowest hiring period of the year. January went by and February without hearing anything back or seeing any “good” job postings.

But then March appeared. Interviews were aplenty and was told by one potential employer I was overqualified for what she wanted. That felt great to hear after feeling worthless. I was offered two jobs though and was getting ready to do my first shift when non-essential businesses were shut down.

Covid-19 had officially reared its ugly head and continues to keep many Canadians confined indoors and away from work. On this note, I would like to say I hope everyone out there is safe and healthy and finding ways to keep afloat emotionally despite this pandemic. If you or others you know have it, I hope you recover quickly and are self-isolating safely. I’m glad world leaders are taking it seriously and are continuing to do what they can to eliminate its risk to all of us. It’s on all of us to do our part and support those who work in healthcare or other essential business fields by practising proper hygiene and limiting our trips outside.

Despite the negativity coming with Covid-19, I have decided to use this time to return to things I thought were best left forgotten or explored. I applied to a local college for Pre-Health and hope to do well in it to pursue nursing. Helping others is something I’ve always wanted to do and I try to put others before me most of the time. (That can be viewed as a negative habit and it can be so I’m working on moderating it). I’m excited for where this journey will take me!

Since being cooped up, I’ve also been working on my book and finally have it set up as an e-book on amazon! It is available to pre-order through this link https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B086VQFNGT?ref_=pe_1724030_132998070 and if you want to check it out, I encourage it! It will be fully available on April 17th, 2020! Still gotta work on a decent profile pic and bio for the author part, so I appreciate any tips you guys can give me!

In conclusion (that sounds so formal), I think that sums up the big things that have happened since I signed off in October. Please reach out to me on twitter @KEMwriting or in the comments below and let me know how you’re doing!

Stay safe and healthy!

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VSSPoem, Week 1

Once again, it is a day later than I planned, but it’s for a good reason. I’ve actually been engaged in social activities with family members for once. This is very rare for me as I am that kind of loner who sits at home in front of the computer.

However, maybe this all is a sign of things to change. Maybe I will have a bit more of an adventure from the safe walls of my home. Who knows?

anyways, this is one of those new prompts I started doing over the past little bit. I hope you enjoy these very short poems!

 

September 5th

I long to #push past

these obstacles made of doubt

that sabotage me

 

September 6th

Her #shadow cast

by the evenin’ sun

was the giant

she wished

to be.

Its footsteps larger

than the nightmares

that came to call

in the night’s

dark hours.

She tried to remind

herself of that

tucked under

her covers

but

her fears grew

until they consumed her

once more.

 

September 7th

On swift wings

#Nightfall approached

Its pitch black feathers

fell in swarming shadows

and chased the light

in a playful game

 

A girl sighed

head rested on hand

in her windowsill

At peace in the dark

she moved to her desk

and lifted her pen

to write

 

September 8th

In the cold room

he relived memories

picking them apart

for the #omens

they contained

Will-o-wisps

seemed prevalent

dancing on the edge

of his life

but never touching it

 

He could recall

deaths in vivid detail

of friends and family

until he was alone

 

In the cold room

 

September 9th

Emotion is danger

too much

too little

tips a scale

both divine

and cruel

It can fill

the cup

to the brim

or evaporate

both host

and vessel

empty

 

Let go the

anger

hate

rage

jealousy

envy

they say

it causes damage

to your mind

wears it thin

with time

 

Teach me how then

 

September 10th

Waters #follow

the bends

curves

hills

of a land

marred

scarred

defaced

by human hands

 

Soon Fires #follow

the dried

leaves

trees

rooted in ground

unloved

forgotten

forsaken

by human hands

 

Then Deaths #follow

the lack of

food

water

on a barren Earth.

 

September 11th

Good and Bad

Happens in threes

The #Attraction

Forms the link

Like dominoes

 

Positive attracts positive

Negative attracts negative

 

It’s a cycle

And it will last

Longer

Than

Time

 

I say it’s a game

But then

I’m stuck

In the cycle of Threes

 

September 12th

Walk into the

#Shallows

Walk into the

Hollows

 

of your own

Heart and Soul

Take a gander

Take a stroll

The mucks and mires

are there to console.

 

Search through

Cracks

Follow the

Tracks

 

You’ve made them

Inspired them

Colluded with them

 

Walk into the

#Shallows

 

September 13th

Leaves spin and twirl

Like dreidels in the wind

Teased and taunted

By nature’s whim

 

Crisp flakes of snow

Kiss #green grass

Burying it in warmth

As time begins to pass

 

Seasons dance as long lost friends

Sharing the same tune

Until the world’s end

Anxious Honesty

The voice in my head is telling me I’ve wasted two years on a dream that will never come true. I had a book idea and I ran with it. I didn’t fight hard enough for it though.

More and more, my husband seems to get mad that I’m not working on my book. That I’m not bringing in any money. That I’m just ‘lounging’ around the house.

It doesn’t matter that I clean the house top to bottom by myself. I weed the gardens and mow the lawn and whippersnip, by myself. I feed the cats and dogs day and night by myself. I do the laundry, by myself. I make the appointments for both of us. Keep a running list of things. Try to be the voice of reason more often than not. (I will admit he helps on occasion, but not near enough…)

I wish I was bringing in money. I wish I had fought harder for my book. It feels like the only choice is to abandon it entirely. It’s not what I want, but I always put everyone else ahead of me.

But then that leaves me with a blog and a twitter account that serve no real purpose anymore, right?

So, I’ve applied to part-time jobs in the mean time. I’ve started freelance transcribing again for Rev. I’ve created a Ko-Fi account in hopes of some additional help so that I can keep writing.

I want to keep writing, I really do, but this voice tells me there’s no point anymore. If I was really passionate about it, I’d be somewhere other than editing, right?

Anyways, that’s the end, (I think), of my self-pitying post. I had to say it before it ate me alive though I still think it might.

 

https://ko-fi.com/kemwriting is the link to donate to my creative path. I’m sure after a decent cry, I’ll be up to fighting again…

Butterflies of Mine

Crafting and art in its various forms are all of interest to me. That is why sometimes I love and/or hate receiving art kits with instructions. However with the Engraving Art series I turned out to love it.

I bought one many, many, many moons ago, and absolutely butchered it. It was a golden lion, and I just could not figure it out. Every scrap with the tool felt like a mistake, and I swore I would never do them again.

But then… While purging the house room by room, I came across two kits: Golden Butterflies and Silver Wolves. I decided to do them, and see if it went any better, and it did.

Metal.Butterflies.jpg

I absolutely enjoyed it! I loved playing with negative and positive space, and it was nice for the butterflies to turn out half decent.

Butterflies are a big symbol for my relationship with my husband, and for a good yet silly reason. He told me he would NEVER buy me jewellery, and if he were to propose, it would be with a ring pop candy. We would be married until I finished it was what he used to say.

Now, the jewellery thing didn’t bug me at all. I have never been someone who wears necklaces, bracelets, rings, or even earring on a day to day bases. BUT the ring thing irked me.

Now, my Andrew said this for YEARS. At least until he broke one day, and got me a necklace. It had a blue and green butterfly on it, made out of tiny gems, and it was beautiful.

That is what made Butterflies a big deal for our relationship. I have a red spotted ‘purple’ butterfly tattooed on my left fore arm, because of it (and as a reminder the life is beautiful). It was featured at our wedding, in our handmade center pieces.

So now, the trick will be framing it, and figuring out where I want it on my walls. It does reflect light fairly bright which is why the picture is dark.

 

 

That Time of Year

Today, I spent the morning wrapping Christmas presents with my husband. It was fun, and all that, but stressful too. In the past, my wrapping skills have been… critiqued. I try my hardest, but it doesn’t translate into the gift, it seems.

My mom wraps with crisp edges, like a bloody pro, and tries to be gentle, but I know she sees how bad my wrapping is. My husband wraps like a pro, too, and he has tried to teach me, but it takes practice and patience.

But I struggle with not being perfect from the get go. I slowly let it get to me, that my wrapping sucks, and always will which means my negative inner voice is winning. It is tough to acknowledge that since my negative inner voice has sway over me ninety percent of the time. It makes simple things seem way more difficult, and makes me feel like a failure.

And like all things, it spirals out of control especially if I am alone. It turns into everything I hate about myself, and grows to include everything I think everyone hates about me, too. It is annoying, and it takes sooooo much effort to shut it down before then. So kudos to anyone else with that negative inner voice who manages to stuff it back in a box, and beat the snot out of it too!

Anyway, that trigger today was wrapping gifts, and the longer I sat taping and folding, the quicker it crept up on me. Eventually I was in tears, because how the heck can’t I get crisp frickin’ edges on a bloody box?!?

Thankfully my husband intervened, and stared me down. He finally said, “Your wrapping is fine. I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

It was what I needed to beat my inner negative voice back into its cage, and say to myself, “Yeah, your wrapping may not be God’s gift to the world, but it was done with love and that’s all that matters! Plus… it is better than it used to be.”

Treat yourself with kindness this season, everyone! It is the effort that matters at the end of the day, and there is nothing wrong with falling. Friends and Family should take care of each other, and lend a hand when it is needed. Be it wrapping that is your downfall, or something else, YOU TRIED!

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. ~ Herman Melville