Young Nightmare

Smoke rose in pillars from the field

Fires blasted the soldiers with heat

Sweat dripped down their brows already

Gunfire was heard in the distance

as were the pained screams of dying men

The smell of copper field the air

before the stench of burning flesh joined it

Time dragged for the victims of battle

Commanding shouts led men to fight

Swords clashed and dirks appeared

hoping to kill before another shot fired

 

The mix of sounds left the young boy horrified

He gagged as he struggled to find his commander

The faces of friend and foe both fierce and unwelcoming

Clutching the dagger to his heart

his feet stuck in the bog

He fell, left to crawl amongst the bodies

and pray not to be trampled

 

His eyes met the fear filled gaze of an enemy warrior

A gunshot echoed above them and he screamed

sinking the black blade into the other man’s heart

His hands shook, leaving it embedded

And he rose

 

The commander found him as the others retreated

Paralyzed, he was lifted onto the steed

He’d never felt so tired

It clung to his limbs like wet clothing,

pulling, pulling, pulling

until he sunk beneath its surface

The panted breaths of the horse were all he heard.

 

Baxter

We heard Death’s voice today

As It whispered in our ears

Another friend has gone away

Just as we had feared

 

We felt Death’s hand today

As It rested upon our shoulders

The crushing pain has come again

Put upon us like a boulder

 

We said goodbye to Death today

As It called Baxter’s name

His paws clicked as he walked away

And with his brothers, he’s gone to play

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RIP Baxter (04/14/2020). You were a good friend to my sister and my mom. You kept a piece of our grandparents with us. You reminded us of Dodger and Jasper before they passed. You were a sweetheart who played the part of cantankerous a**hole and still you were loved for it. You will be missed and your place can never be taken. Have fun in your healed body and say hi to Jasper and Dodger for us.

BraveWrite, Week 2

It’s Hump Day, people! The best and worst day of a work week.

I have felt entirely sapped of my energy and I am hoping I can turn it around today. Fingers crossed! I don’t need to sleep in and waste the day away doing nothing which is what yesterday taught me.

My mom came over and helped sand, clean, and put the first coat of Tremclad on our awful metal railings. They look better already after that. However, being productive didn’t quite get me out of this weird mood slump I’ve been in so here’s hoping today’s the day.

Anyways, I hope you are on your way to a wonderful weekend and may my BraveWrites help you out!

 

September 12th

She stared out the car window and watched the rain streak down it. Her mother talked at her, but she didn’t hear the words. Only emptiness.

But she was #encouraged by their want to help and surprised when they confessed their own visits to a psychiatrist. Maybe there was hope.

 

September 13th

She watches as her mother takes another drag. The cigarette’s blue-tinged smoke shimmers in the light and dissipates.

A silent, slow threat.

And she sheds another tear. Greying skin, ragged coughs, the crimson drops that spell the end. She waits for #cancer to claim her mom.

 

September 14th

Video game consoles litter the house, attached to various TVs. She turns on the xbox 360 and plays Assassin’s Creed. Her character scales rough pick, runs across clay tile, and lives.

She envies his freedom though she is the #gamer.

 

September 15th

Her brother pushed her under the water as part of the game. His hand was like steel on her head and she fought to surface. To suck in oxygen once more.

Panic had set in as time slowed. When he finally released her, she was ravenous for air.

Her #umbrage was now rage.

 

September 16th

The #vibration of the nail file on her toes unnerved her and served as a reminder. She was unwelcome here.

She was no pretty girl who wore make-up, fake nails, or got her hail done. She was a tomboy whose hands were filthy and rough.

But she stayed in the salon.

 

September 17th

She stood with her friends and their boyfriends in line, waiting to have her prom ticket checked. It was clutched in a white-knuckled fist as her anxiety took over. Her companions laughed and gasped as they entered the hall.

She suffocated internally on the #pizzazz.

 

September 18th

Her #alacrity had nothing to do with a fear of failure. It had everything to do with her need to prove them wrong. She was tired of the comparisons that ground her spirit into dust. She was tired of fearing whispers and taunting looks. She’d stand strong.

A Lone Soul

A cold hand touches the soul
Draining warmth, comfort
And connectivity.
 
An absence of sound, laughter
Words fail, claimed
By empty air.
 
Phone buzzes on the table
Is it a friend, family?
No, a game alert.
 
Flipping through channels
Searching social media
For something.
 
A need to reach out to another
Yet unaware of its urgency
Until they walk in.
 
They fill the void
And like a moth to flame
Rush to them.
 
Or maybe the door
Never opens, always closed
And we hide
 
Behind curtained windows.

You Idiot

You Idiot

How is it you can’t see

What’s in front of your face?

 

You Idiot

You think your words or lack of

don’t hurt me?

 

You Idiot

Think again about what you’re doing.

It speaks loud and clear

 

You Idiot

Take stock of yourself and improve

Or lose those who’d help you.

 

You Idiot

Look in the mirror for worth

Inside you and around you.

 

 

Love’s Call

Come with me,
My dearest love
My personal butterfly.
 
We’ve naught here but struggles
And I long for the sky.
 
Come with me,
My fine darling
My precious lollipop.
 
We’ve waited here too long now
And it’s time we learned to hop.
 
Come with me,
My sugar sweet
My truly, dearest friend.
 
We’ve tied our lives together
And it will be til the End.

Love Potion

Poetry soothes my soul with its directness and metaphors. It is a friendly creature, but changes it form, consistency, just like water. I have not written a poem in some time, it feels, so here is one today. (I forgot to include Saturday and Sunday plans in my writing schedule. Oops!)

 

There is no special
way, to find your forever.
It happens when it’s
 
Time. No more, no less.
Be yourself, be patient, and
the one will find you.
 
Throw out lines, baited,
if you must, but don’t forget
chasing love scares it.
 
It is timid and
slow to eat from the hand
it is offered, friend.
Something that you feel will find its own form. ~ Jack Kerouac

Ex-Friend Issue

Today is essentially going to be a rant post so if you are not interested, look away!

Anyways, yesterday, I had the cops knock on my door. They asked for my husband, Andrew. He wasn’t home so they told me that we had received a complaint about our snow removal.

A COMPLAINT ABOUT OUR SNOW REMOVAL.

When I found out it came from our neighbour to the left of us, I wasn’t at all surprised. We had had a falling out with her YEARS ago, and despite a brief verbal argument in the December of 2017, have avoided her since.

We used to be close to her, drink with her, go out with her, and helped her out on occasion too. However, she chose not to be friends with us after I had a mental breakdown and called Andrew (who was having a drink with her at the time). She heard me call her a bitch (which is due to the fact that she constantly tried to hoard people), but it wasn’t truly personal, I was spiraling.

She told Andrew that she didn’t want to deal with his drama (which is kind of what friends are for, right? An outlet to vent at). That was the final straw for both of us. She verbally attacked me after I had finished mowing my lawn, and I told her she has no idea what being a friend entails. (In the past, she had ignored us, because we refused to pick up orange juice for mimosas and other such events).

We have shoveled our driveway the same way, year after year. I try to do it in a way that very little would accidentally get on her drive way. There is only one spot where that is not the case and that is beside our garage. She shovels in a way that it piles up and spills through the chainlink fence. My dog has climbed said hill in the past to escape so now I make sure it doesn’t get to that point. (It is also blocked off as effectively as we could manage though windstorms have been known to destroy those kind of fixtures in our city).

I have only shoveled that area once this season and I threw it to back onto her property, onto the hill, as best I could. I believe this is what set her off.

Anyways the cops knock on the door and tell em about the complaint, but that they haven’t managed to talk to our neigh bour about it, she isn’t home. I told them she is home, she works from her basement and there’s a client car in the driveway. They go back to talk to her after talking to me.

For anyone who complains, it is important you answer your front door when the police show up to address it. They should not have had to walk back and forth plus it makes you look bad.

She tells them I threatened to kill her December 2017. That I drove over her lawn a couple summers ago. Blah blah blah. These are allegations with no evidence (though she claims she has footage of us driving on her lawn). We never drove on her lawn (to explain further, there is a grass median that separates our driveways, half is her’s, half is our’s).

The cops aren’t really concerned, only if she keeps calling will something have to be done. However if she keeps calling the cops on us, we’ll say it is harassment, because it is.

My husband also got a chance to talk to them, because I called him after they talked to me the first time. They weren’t worried about it, and even acknowledged she seems off.

Another side note for complainers, it looks better for you if you try to address the problem like an adult by talking to your neighbours first. She had said in the past she would talk to Andrew if there were any issues and she chose not to.

The end of the day, the cops seem to view us more favourably than they view her. It is also said that cops have to get involved in these matters. Our shoveling was not endangering her or causing damage to her property. She escalated it into a complaint without even trying to resolve it with Andrew (we had agreed in the past not to talk to one another).

It is a shame she has made this petty, and I know me ranting about it is petty too. I needed to get it off my chest though. I had been thinking of seeking a resolution between us through the means of a letter. I don’t want to be her friend again, I just want to find peace.

I clearly will not be doing that as she will keep the letter and try and paint it in a bad light if she ever calls the cops again.

What a winter it has been for us.

 

Demise

Oh dearest friend of mine,
Use this stick and draw line,
Stand there til the dawn of time.

And when bright light shows its face,
You may then leave this place,
Yet find that all has been erased.

I charge you now, to start again,
To write the stars that now defend,
What broken will be made to mend.

When the end returns once more,
And destroys the earth back to the core,
We’ll heal what is now left sore.

That Time of Year

Today, I spent the morning wrapping Christmas presents with my husband. It was fun, and all that, but stressful too. In the past, my wrapping skills have been… critiqued. I try my hardest, but it doesn’t translate into the gift, it seems.

My mom wraps with crisp edges, like a bloody pro, and tries to be gentle, but I know she sees how bad my wrapping is. My husband wraps like a pro, too, and he has tried to teach me, but it takes practice and patience.

But I struggle with not being perfect from the get go. I slowly let it get to me, that my wrapping sucks, and always will which means my negative inner voice is winning. It is tough to acknowledge that since my negative inner voice has sway over me ninety percent of the time. It makes simple things seem way more difficult, and makes me feel like a failure.

And like all things, it spirals out of control especially if I am alone. It turns into everything I hate about myself, and grows to include everything I think everyone hates about me, too. It is annoying, and it takes sooooo much effort to shut it down before then. So kudos to anyone else with that negative inner voice who manages to stuff it back in a box, and beat the snot out of it too!

Anyway, that trigger today was wrapping gifts, and the longer I sat taping and folding, the quicker it crept up on me. Eventually I was in tears, because how the heck can’t I get crisp frickin’ edges on a bloody box?!?

Thankfully my husband intervened, and stared me down. He finally said, “Your wrapping is fine. I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

It was what I needed to beat my inner negative voice back into its cage, and say to myself, “Yeah, your wrapping may not be God’s gift to the world, but it was done with love and that’s all that matters! Plus… it is better than it used to be.”

Treat yourself with kindness this season, everyone! It is the effort that matters at the end of the day, and there is nothing wrong with falling. Friends and Family should take care of each other, and lend a hand when it is needed. Be it wrapping that is your downfall, or something else, YOU TRIED!

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. ~ Herman Melville