self

It’s Been a While

Hello everyone!

I know I’ve been gone for too long. When deciding to take the break, I never imagined time would slip so quickly past me and leave me wondering where it went. It has just flown by for a variety of reasons and now, I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.

First off, I had an amazing seasonal job for November and December. Management was awesome, coworkers were just great, and it was a fun environment. There were a lot of us seasonals and they definitely want some of us back, but they had no room to add any of us to their store’s roster. That sucked, but I continued on enjoying the job for as long as I could.

Then came January. My birth month. After Christmas, which I always find stressful, I didn’t want to deal with getting older and feeling further behind in life. I was left to find another, most likely part-time, job during the slowest hiring period of the year. January went by and February without hearing anything back or seeing any “good” job postings.

But then March appeared. Interviews were aplenty and was told by one potential employer I was overqualified for what she wanted. That felt great to hear after feeling worthless. I was offered two jobs though and was getting ready to do my first shift when non-essential businesses were shut down.

Covid-19 had officially reared its ugly head and continues to keep many Canadians confined indoors and away from work. On this note, I would like to say I hope everyone out there is safe and healthy and finding ways to keep afloat emotionally despite this pandemic. If you or others you know have it, I hope you recover quickly and are self-isolating safely. I’m glad world leaders are taking it seriously and are continuing to do what they can to eliminate its risk to all of us. It’s on all of us to do our part and support those who work in healthcare or other essential business fields by practising proper hygiene and limiting our trips outside.

Despite the negativity coming with Covid-19, I have decided to use this time to return to things I thought were best left forgotten or explored. I applied to a local college for Pre-Health and hope to do well in it to pursue nursing. Helping others is something I’ve always wanted to do and I try to put others before me most of the time. (That can be viewed as a negative habit and it can be so I’m working on moderating it). I’m excited for where this journey will take me!

Since being cooped up, I’ve also been working on my book and finally have it set up as an e-book on amazon! It is available to pre-order through this link https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B086VQFNGT?ref_=pe_1724030_132998070 and if you want to check it out, I encourage it! It will be fully available on April 17th, 2020! Still gotta work on a decent profile pic and bio for the author part, so I appreciate any tips you guys can give me!

In conclusion (that sounds so formal), I think that sums up the big things that have happened since I signed off in October. Please reach out to me on twitter @KEMwriting or in the comments below and let me know how you’re doing!

Stay safe and healthy!

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What I Am Reading

I have officially started reading A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. I am only two chapters in, but I am enjoying the writing style for sure. I expected it to be similar to J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings series yet I am appreciating the fact that it is not.

When a book hooks me, I tend to finish it pretty quick, unable to stop reading it. However with books like Lord of the Rings or The Prince of Nothing series, it took months to read. I did enjoy them the whole way through, but they were painstakingly dull at times.

I can’t explain why I felt A Game of Thrones would be similar to Lord of the Rings in terms of writing. Maybe the hype? Its genre? Anyway, while I find it more modern, or easier to read, it does have a formal tone in its language that I envy. I believe it makes it sophisticated, and somehow makes a book more attractive to readers.

Readers may like easy reads, but many enjoy a more complex story, settings, character development. I want to build worlds like a great many authors do outside the confines of our world, or even revealing fantastical layers of it. I guess that is why I am trying to read the books I am, to figure it out.

A Game of Thrones has inspiring phrases, or fragments of sentences that I might just use for some more poems, or maybe an attempt at a short story. After all I do believe all writer’s go through a period of trying to find their own voice, and mimicking their favourite authors on the way. It is educational, I think, and might do me some good in the end.

 

 

She Only Wants A Mirror

She only wants a mirror.
To know who she is.
To know where she is going.

She’s lost.
She’s afraid,
And fighting feelings of hate.

She’s confused.
She’s weak,
And losing those she loves.

She’s hiding.
She’s searching,
And degrading what she finds.

She wonders,
About many things,
But dwells on how might feel to be whole.

She’s grabbing,
She’s grasping,
And holding on for straws.

Why can’t she find it?
Why can’t she believe what she finds?
Why is she weak?

She asks questions,
And hears only repetitions.
She needs to see, not hear.

She’s losing belief,
In what she has,
And it’s killing her inside.

She pretends,
She lies,
And she’s learning to die.

Her hands are empty,
Her knees are weak,
She’s not strong enough.

2019: My Year of Change

It is the start of a new year, and I felt I should share some things. Make myself accountable to myself and the eyes of others.

To start with, I shared my book with a few individuals, and I am waiting on one to finish the last twelve chapters before getting her notes. I have received very good feedback, and believe most of it will improve my book. They definitely will add more thrills to the story line, and chances to connect with the characters. *fingers crossed*

I have to say it is great to be writing on here everyday (almost), and working more on my manuscript. Also, picking up books, and actually reading the amount I used to has been great too. I hope to query more literary agents in 2019 while both writing and reading to grow myself and my ‘craft’. Over the past few weeks, I have accumulated a variety of works by different authors to challenge myself in that regard.

January is always an interesting month for me, I find. Not only is it the changing of the year and the beginning of new dawns, but it is also my birth month. I will be turning 27 in eighteen days, and I have struggled with my age for a few years now. Growing baby pressure (from family and myself), a need to move from the house my husband and I have outgrown, and the fact that I feel I am stepping backwards in life make it tough to think “age is just a number.”

However, I am GOING to change that thinking this year. Too often I let the voices of others outweigh my own, and it isn’t fair to me or to them. They don’t get to see who I truly am, and I torture myself to fit their molds. I may be loud, boisterous, and absolutely abnormal, but there is nothing wrong with that or me. I may be crude, overly honest, and share too much about myself (before I get to know you), but that is who I am. I am not going to be ashamed or apologize for it anymore.

This year, I am going to fight for a healthy me, in mind, spirit, and body. I am going to continue pursuing my dreams of being a writer, and make it happen. This is the time to put energy towards projects, and make them a reality! I have no one to blame, but myself if it doesn’t come true, after all.

I know plenty of people are posting this kind of ‘shit’, but it is a way to air out the old and grasp the new we want for ourselves. Rejoice in who you are now, and make the changes you need to to be happy. That is what we owe ourselves and those who spend time with us. Denying our truths not only denies others our true spirits, but an amazing freedom we all have the right to experience in our lives.

So, to be one of those people, here is the sum of my resolutions for 2019:

  1. Eat better and exercise to become a happier, less negativity person
  2. Read more (outside the box), and write more (outside the box)
  3. Keep trying to get representation for my manuscript (also look into self publishing)
  4. Keep active on my blog, and learn from those on here
  5. Craft more too!

I know resolutions can be cheesy, and many die before the end of January, but this year is gonna be my bitch! (To put it bluntly). There’s a fire in me, and I am fanning the flames, and keeping it burning!

I hope this year is everything you want/need it to be! Remember, treat yourself and others kindly!

Just write everyday of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers. ~ Ray Bradbury

 

P.S. I am going to be listening to High Hopes by Panic! at the Disco on my rougher days to keep myself inspired. Any songs you think would benefit me on low energy, depressing, or just tragic days, share them! I will also takes motivating/inspire/truthful quotes, too!

See it, Worth

They left everyone behind.

Told them ‘You’re a waste of time.’

They crept under their rock

Surfacing only for a hand out.

I was a fool to think

I could prove myself

to Them.

That I was worth having around.

But you see,

I am a people pleaser.

Raised to bend for everyone else

But me.

I will bend

I will break

I will end up shattered

All for another’s love and appreciation.

Now it’s my turn to leave Them behind,

Tell them ‘You’re not worth my time.’

Love is a two way street

And I am not going to drive both sides

For Them.

Not when they refuse to see me as I am.

Not when family means nothing.

I am learning my worth

And screw those who can’t see it.

 

 

Pen and Paper

A pale face stares back,
Greenish blue eyes,
Pierce a wanderer’s soul,
From a reflective pool.
‘Is the writing any good?
‘Am I living my dream?’
‘No’, the quiet voice answers,
As a tear glides gently down
A fair freckled cheek.
Anger swells in the woman
Before the soul in the mirror.
‘I will be one day’
She says out loud,
Squaring off against her fears.
Turning her back to the world
She walks away.
Fingers tightly gripping
Pen and Paper.
Words scrawled on pages,
Day after Day,
For ages upon ages.
The woman returns to the mirror
The calm pond, clear,
Shows her soul’s darkest self.
No words need to leave her lips
The quiet voice is stronger now,
‘It is time.
‘Go show the World,
The Magic you can make.’
With a silent nod
The woman walks away once more.
Pride fills her step,
And soon
Her words will reach once deaf ears.

It’s Hard To Kill What’s True

It’s hard to kill what’s true.

It hides inside your soul,

Reaching forward for your heart.

It inspires passion,

Feeds the struggling fire

You secret from the world.

It turns on the light

You’re afraid to shine

The blinding brightness too much.

It’s hard to kill what’s true.

It screams when you refuse to listen,

pouts when you deny its truth.

It defends itself

Against your self deprecating lies.

It fights for its freedom

Its actualization in your mind.

You see

It’s hard to kill what’s true

Because the truth is…

You’re Amazing to Someone

Even if that someone

Isn’t you.