wedding

Very Short Stories, Week 20

Hey everyone! Happy Labour Day, if you celebrate it!

I was enjoying the four day weekend with my hubby, but he’s fallen ill. That means constant snoring is in the background as he naps. Fingers crossed he gets better soon because it sucks when he feels so shitty!

Personally, things are starting to feel more normal since Jasper passed away. I’m crying less, but the last couple nights, he’s visited in some wonky ass dreams so I don’t know what he’s playing at!

That all means my very short stories aren’t as sad, depressing, or negativity. Some are, dare I say, hopeful.

Anyways, hope you enjoy!

 

August 27th

Lies are #tangled webs

That thrive

When the Truth

Dies

Alone and unspoken.

Lies are poison

We drink and spread

Like dinner rolls

Passed Clockwise.

Lies are the half truths

We trust to soothe Pain

That claims

Our minds

And dines on our hopes.

Lies are vicious Weaponry

We wield.

 

August 28th

His strength was a #fragile thing, hid behind stone walls made of pure silence. She longed to shatter them and cherish the words he would whisper. But he was a statue. The odd crack pierced his thick skin and his soul was beautifully broken in those moments of despair.

 

August 29th

The sweet #million tomato plant had grown beyond the garden’s borders. Its vast collection of ripening fruit blocked the zucchini plants and choked the other tomato plants. Roots provided strength to endure the storms that came and went. Yet its own weight toppled its branches.

 

August 30th

#Somewhere out there lies the reason she exists. If only she could separate it from life’s numerous obstacles. Instead, she wanders from problem to problem, fixated on everything, everyone, but her. If only the voices would stop shouting, putting fresh tears in her eyes.

 

August 31st

#Forever, she swore on their wedding day to stand by his side. His screams in bad moments didn’t deter her nor his dark days of depression. Their shared laughs and smiles united them like the knots they tied in matrimony. Together they were strong and she would remind him. Always.

 

September 1st

Street lights remained barren as the #gloaming descended. The asphalt paths were seas of black. Curtains blocked shut windows and multiple locks clicked into place. Any hint of light vanished as the people waited in fearful silence.
The scratching was heard first.

 

September 2nd

#Love is a stitch, a knot

It ties lives together

Loose or tight

Its thread can break

Wear and tear

It can be replaced

With #Love again

Tender touch

And words of care

Can repair

A broken stitch

But take heart

Best not to break

A bond of #Love

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Antiques,Wooden Roses, and Some Fun

Today we went to an antique market in Stratford, Ontario. They can have true antiques, but often times, it is a ton of collectibles and memorabilia. It is something fun to do and great exercise if you have a husband like mine.

Andrew loves going to these kind of places and wandering around at a very slow, turtle like pace. He checks out every single booth and inspects various types of things. He’ll light up like a kid on Christmas day at least a handful of times when we go to antique markets.

It can be brutally frustrating at times though.

I move at a quicker pace, peeking in at booths and I look for something to jump out at me. Sometimes it is an actually item that I need to look at better, or it is just a feeling. Usually it is a Cherished Teddies collectible that catches my eye, but sometimes, it is gems, marble, jade, or unique glass work.

While I run ahead, Andrew falls further behind. Unless I find a hidden gem, or something I think he will like. I will wait around then in hopes he will catch up so that I know he saw it. Whistling is how I indicate this to him, but it doesn’t speed him up any.

While we used to spend quite a bit at these places, it has calmed down since I have given him the lens of practicalness to view through. It helps keep the necessity of tidying and purging items down.

However I am reminding by a find this week that his habit of collecting can be quite useful (if we remember where things end up).

Years ago we were at a fair and came across a vendor that sold wooden roses to us. It was couple of years before our wedding, but we took their card (a little paper with info really) and stored it in a nook.

That nook was found a few days ago.

Andrew proposed the year after we found this vendor, and it would be two more years plus two months til we tied the knot. We both loved the wooden flowers (the scents you could add were faint and lovely), and we both wanted them for decorations at our reception (maybe as a bouquet too). However we lost the sheet and so we kept hunting them down at the fair without success.

Sadly we were unable to have those flowers for our wedding (though we were quite happy with the decorations we created ourselves), and it is quite funny to me that we found almost three years after we got married.

I have followed them on facebook now and will be able to find their services when needed in the future.

I guess it can be fun(ny) to have a husband who holds onto every tiny thing, and I’m glad I have him in my life. While he is working on that tendency, at least he knows I see its benefits from time to time!

Anyways, take care of yourselves and make sure you enjoy the fun that can be sorely lacking in life!

Baking Soothes A Riled Soul

Yesterday I spent the day at my parents helping my mom back cupcakes. I got there around 9:30 am and was there til 10:30 pm. It was a day filled with sarcasm, laughter, love, and plenty of messes (especially towards the end).

The motto of the day, ‘I don’t care’, was sung and led to (partial) singing of I Love It by Icona Pop. If one of us asked a question, ‘I don’t care’ was sung in response, and led to some fun of its own. I think it kept us relaxed as we backed eleven dozen cupcakes.

Now, today is Superbowl 53 with the Patriots and Rams going head to head. (No, I don’t follow football or any sport at all, but my dad hosts a party every year with food, and so… what else need I know?) My brother and my future sister-in-law decided it would be a good cake testing time since my mom is making their cake. There will also be some bridal shower talk taking place with the mother of the bride.

She asked me to help, and of course I said yes. They won’t be told I helped, because they probably won’t eat the cupcakes if told. It was fun, but a lot of work as they were not traditional flavours. They were exotic, fruity, and alcoholic (and outside the typical box my mom and I bake in).

We made Triple Salted Caramel, Galatic (which involved Mars bars), Bourbon Cherry Chocolate, Carrot (weird flavour for a WEDDING cake, I think), Banana, Red Velvet, and Chocolate Covered Strawberries cupcakes. They each held their own challenges.

Carrot and Banana were easy to make. I’ve made Banana before (we used my recipe), but not Carrot. I dislike the flavour immensely. They turned out beautiful; nice roundness to the top, and with cream cheese icing, they’ll be delicious!

Red Velvet and Chocolate Covered Strawberry were the most annoying, because of the alternating of adding ingredients. They were also the last two we made and that could be why I found them annoying, too. I made a mess with the one, turning on my mom’s Kitchenaid Mixer to a high speed and sending flour everywhere by accident. Got us laughing though!

The Chocolate Covered Strawberry was tedious since the strawberries are dipped in chocolate and then chocolate is drizzled for adornment on to the strawberries. We also had to blend strawberries to put in the icing which tasted great, (good job, mom!), but they look amazing now.

Triple Salted Caramel and Galatic were fun and simple. Nothing beyond the normal there, and the Mars bars in the later recipe were probably a little heavy in the muffin tins. They melted and made everything gooey, which makes it horrible for a support cake.

The icing for the Triple Salted Caramel was good! I tasted it before the melted caramels were added, and it kind of took over the taste. You still got hints of the other flavours, but I would halve the caramels next time we make it. Thankfully my mom thought the same thing, but it is just a tasting, right?

The one I hated most to make though was the Bourbon Cherry Chocolate. It was ALL I COULD SMELL when making it. The bourbon was ridiculously strong, and I hope it baked off a bit. The icing also had bourbon in it, and it was all I could taste.

Now the reason I hated making the Bourbon Cherry Chocolate is I am not a drinker. In fact I can’t remember the last time I had anything alcoholic, and thus my tolerance is REALLY low. I can get drunk off a cooler or tanked off a shot of hard liquor. I don’t drink as a preference really which is enforced by having a family member who was an alcoholic til the day he died.

However my brother LOVES having a good drink, rum and coke style. In response, my mom pulled out a ton of recipes that called for alcohol, and he chose that one. I hope he likes it, but I definitely don’t want to help make 150 ones for their wedding.

I really needed the bake day with my mom, it helped re-energize me even if I am super sore today. (Literally can hear my feet screaming at me). Low energy has been a growing theme the past few days, and I’m still not back to my usual self, but I’m on my way there.

Before I forget, my word count was 398 for Friday. I got something on the page, but my appointment was at a weird time of day. It threw me off, and thankfully that will change in the next couple weeks. Instead of having an appointment every week, it will be once a month! Should speed things up!

Anyways, hope you all have a great day whether you’re watching the Superbowl, or enjoying your lives in other ways!

Something that you feel will finds its own form. ~ Jack Kerouac

P.S. I realize now I should have taken photos of the decorated cupcakes to show you guys! I will try and update it later with some!

 

Butterflies of Mine

Crafting and art in its various forms are all of interest to me. That is why sometimes I love and/or hate receiving art kits with instructions. However with the Engraving Art series I turned out to love it.

I bought one many, many, many moons ago, and absolutely butchered it. It was a golden lion, and I just could not figure it out. Every scrap with the tool felt like a mistake, and I swore I would never do them again.

But then… While purging the house room by room, I came across two kits: Golden Butterflies and Silver Wolves. I decided to do them, and see if it went any better, and it did.

Metal.Butterflies.jpg

I absolutely enjoyed it! I loved playing with negative and positive space, and it was nice for the butterflies to turn out half decent.

Butterflies are a big symbol for my relationship with my husband, and for a good yet silly reason. He told me he would NEVER buy me jewellery, and if he were to propose, it would be with a ring pop candy. We would be married until I finished it was what he used to say.

Now, the jewellery thing didn’t bug me at all. I have never been someone who wears necklaces, bracelets, rings, or even earring on a day to day bases. BUT the ring thing irked me.

Now, my Andrew said this for YEARS. At least until he broke one day, and got me a necklace. It had a blue and green butterfly on it, made out of tiny gems, and it was beautiful.

That is what made Butterflies a big deal for our relationship. I have a red spotted ‘purple’ butterfly tattooed on my left fore arm, because of it (and as a reminder the life is beautiful). It was featured at our wedding, in our handmade center pieces.

So now, the trick will be framing it, and figuring out where I want it on my walls. It does reflect light fairly bright which is why the picture is dark.

 

 

I Found Something Else

Today has been one of those days. Low energy, but restless.I decided to help my husband, Andrew, look for his old phone while he’s at work, and it has been a roller coaster ride for my emotions.

Our house is a bit of a storage zone. Every room has nooks and crannies that I have managed to make useful, but it’s becoming less and less effective. While we have done a huge purge of stuff, we still have a ton of ‘crap’ one of us or both of us refuse to part with.We collect Lego (Star Wars, Marvel Superheroes, Batman, etc), Star Wars items, and movies/TV shows. We are also huge fans of fireworks, and they take up a decent chunk of the garage. As individuals, he collects pig related stuff, and I have my Cherished Teddies collection.

Add in necessities, and you can imagine the warzone our house is when we need to find something.

Andrew has gone through the workshop, the garage, the small animal room, the office, our bedroom, front hall closet, kitchen, and laundry room to find his old phone. He has done this multiple times. I tinker here and there trying to help, but he gets so obsessively frantic, it puts me on edge. I can NEVER find something when I am on edge, so today, I decided to do it while he is out of the house.

I started with the workshop where I found two of his old, old phones, but not the most recently old phone (if that makes sense). I dug through some of the boxes in the office, and ripped through my trunks in our bedroom’s closet and some of his drawers. No luck.

Well, this is where the roller coaster starts for me.

After failing to find it, I decided to go through our many totes of Lego kits, Christmas village stuff, wedding stuff, and my Hallowe’en town stuff. (Side note: Hallowe’en is my FAVOURITE holiday, and the biggest reason I want to learn how to sew). Anyways, as I am rifling through these totes, I find wedding stuff.

To note in the wedding stuff I found

-the reading “These Hands” from our ceremony

-my maid of honour’s speech

-a motivational, loving book from my mom

Dumb ass that I am, I read “These Hands”, and it resonated with the life I wished for more than anything. Hands that loved and cared for me. Hands to hold me in the dark times. Hands that would hold our children. Hands that would help mine in keeping our family one.

I want children more than anything, a family with Andrew, but we just aren’t there in our lives. It sucks, because he will be 33 years old towards the end of this year, and I am going to be 27 in twelve days. It feels so old, and yet I know it isn’t. I know I have more time than not, but it feels like it is slipping away faster than I could have imagined. I know it will happen when it is meant to, but damned if I wish it would happen now.

Reading that bit of our vows though made me realize that a marriage, a life together, is very much like art. You have to work for it. Sometimes, there are mistakes that you can correct, and other times, you just push past it. Sometimes, what you think you are making is nothing like it, and you go with it to find something amazing, or you correct your path. I am very lucky to have Andrew in my life, willing to fight for our marriage, and help me make it all it can be. I wish I had of stopped reading the stuff I found after this, but I didn’t.

Dumb ass that I am, I read the speech, and it is beautiful. But it is over two years old, and it made me realize how much has changed between my maid of honour (my future sister-in-law now) and myself. She said we had become closer, had become friends in the speech, but that isn’t the truth anymore. I can’t tell you when it happened, but it happened.

One thing you need to know about me… I don’t really have friends. I have my parents, and I have my husband, and that is it. I don’t let people in as easily as I once did, because of the many betrayals I faced at the hands of so called friends. It killed me inside to read this beautiful speech, and realize the lie it had seemingly become. I don’t know how to change things with her, and I would if I did. I would love to have friends to do things with, but I have been shattered by past experiences, and am hesitant to let it happen again.

Thus, I bawled my eyes out in big, wailing cries. Once it was a small enough feeling to be bottled, I did, and continued on with the task at hand. That’s when I came across the book from my mom.

Dumb ass that I am, I read the book since it wasn’t long, and it was amazing. It is exactly what I needed to hear, and yet… it devastated me. It was about showing your true self to the world, how you’re beautiful no matter what, and amazing regardless of nay sayers. It is how I wish things were, for sure, but the constant feedback I have been given through life is that I am ‘too much’ of everything. I need to tone myself down, swear less, lose weight, lie…. All to have friends, and be liked. That never made sense to me. Shouldn’t people like you as you are?

Anyway, I took those notes and applied them to myself. I struggle with some, (like my volume and weight), but overall, when around my siblings or my in-laws or in public, I try to be that likable person who people want in their life. I don’t know if it is remotely working, (I do have two nephews who adore Andrew and me), but I don’t have friends asking me to hang out. I don’t have family, (outside of my mom and two nephews), asking to spend time with me.

I know that part of it is on me. I need to put myself out there, conquer my insecurities, and find people who like me for me. Join a sport, or club, or something. But it is amazingly, soul cripplingly tough for me. I see someone ugly in every way in the mirror. I dissect every interaction I have with other humans, and find myself lacking. I  had a New Year’s resolution to change that, but I am going to be honest, I have no idea where to start.

Sorry to ramble, but I felt the need to put it down on ‘paper’, to better reflect on it all. Maybe it is a sign that I don’t need to change, just push for my dreams, and fight for the things I want from life. Maybe it is a sign I desperately do need to change in some ways, to feel better and live better. Maybe it is a bit of both. Hopefully I figure it out sometime in the very near future.

In the meantime, any tips or tricks to help me out, or tales to relate to, would be amazing.

Thanks for reading this randomness!