Restless (A Dizain Poem + Update)

Can’t stay still, can’t be bored, can’t close your eyes.
Keep moving, keep doing, keep producing.
Sleep is for the lazy, best chase your prize.
Ignore the slowing of time, keep trying.
When sun runs out, the moon will be rising.
Keep scratching that itch and hope it will pass.
Fill the void, the hours, with task after task.
Wish to God you could sit, relax, and breathe.
But there’s plenty to do, get off your ass.
No break from its hold, forget a reprieve.
P.S. I have started revising my book again. Guess this restlessness or anxiety can be good for something after all. I try and force myself to take breaks anyways, because they are necessary.
P.S.S. Take care of yourselves!

Silly Things In Life

It has been a weird week for me, I have to say. I have been restless and lazy at the same time. We have gotten some things done and are currently sorting papers (Andrew keeps EVERYTHING and it kind of drives me insane). But We have also relaxed a lot too which has been a nice change.

We have dropped off stuff as donations. We’ll end up finding more with time though. Thankfully this is where the restlessness has helped in terms of getting it done.

Andrew has a four day weekend so it will be good to get things done that have been waiting for a while. The trick? Keeping the laziness I have been feeling on the back burner so that it does get done.

For the nerds/geeks/whatever you prefer to be called, it is community day for Pokemon Go featuring Swinub. Andrew and I will be getting our steps in while hunting it, and it will serve as a nice break from the chaotic mess our home has become in orders of organizing it.Things get worse before they get better, right?

Anyways, I’ve been enjoying the silly things in life right now while contemplating where my book is going. I think it is pretty much decided that I will just go forward and revise/edit more chapters til I have to write more in. Writer’s knife has to be sharp and sure when making these kind of cuts. Thankfully we get to go over our work repeatedly until we are satisfied.

Keep trucking ahead, readers! Spring is in the air (or at least that is what I’m hoping)!

 

Routine Has Run Amuck

I thought I was making progress, waking up at 5 am, but alas it does not seem to be the case. While I did not have a lazy weekend, I very much wanted to relax with my husband, and don’t feel I got a chance to at all.

That is why on Monday when he asked me if I thought he should call in sick (because of his right ankle still recovering from some random injury), I said yes. I needed/wanted that day with him, and I feel like it set me back a bit. We had a good talk about things, but I also took like twenty-three naps, and felt super lazy. I didn’t post a blog or work on my book.

When Tuesday rolled around, my body had to recover from all the sleep the day before or so it seemed. I managed to post a poem (pretty much about this stuff), but no work was done on my book. I didn’t clean the house, and I left assembling garbage and recycling until Andrew got home (something I usually do at the start of the day).

Now, it’s Wednesday and it’s just after noon. I wasted the morning away on a stupid show (Thanks, Netflix, you piece of shit!), and am just now sitting at my computer.

I don’t think I can begin to describe the frustration I feel with myself.

I want to get my book done, honestly, I really do. And yet…. while I work on it, I am in a realm of possibilities instead of certainties. At this point, I don’t know if my book will flop or be successful. It is that very thought that seems to be holding me back right now.

The other fact is, the longer I take to edit/write my book, the longer it will take to embark on the path of being published (be it self published or with the help of a literary agent). That part could take a long ass time on its own, and I need to keep fighting my way there even if my opponent is myself.

This time loop I seem to be in needs to end, and today, I am going to do just that!

I vow to wake up at 5 am tomorrow (and leave behind whatever delicious dreams I find myself in), and write! I will post a blog and I will get more work done on my chapters.

I will do this day after day. It is abundantly clear I can’t give myself weekends off, or latch on to lame excuses. My routine needs to be reestablished, and while today may be lost in terms of productivity, the week will not be!

It is important to acknowledge that we all take steps backwards from time to time, or halt our progress, but that is when we must turn to ourselves (and/or others) for the motivation to move forward! While it is important to take care of ourselves, sometimes pushing to the edge when it doesn’t seem possible is the best way to do it!

I hope you all manage to find it in yourselves to tackle the projects you’re working on!

Best of luck in your journey and don’t forget to share some of that luck with me (and others), too!

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life. ~Lawrence Kasdan