sleep

A Couple’s Questions

Are you okay?
Did sleep well last night?
What would you like for dinner?
The things I
ask my husband to show
him how much I love him.
What are you doing?
Do you need some help?
What movie do you want to watch?
The things he
asks of me to show
how much he loves me, too.
Thank you, love
You’re welcome, sweetheart
I’m glad I have you in my life.
The things we
say to each other, now
and forever, to show our love.
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Cancer

I

Hate

Cancer.

Its hand creep and crawl

like warped vines.

Its touch tarnishes and taints

like nails on a chalkboard.

Vile like stomach bile,

Its hold on another one

of those I love.

Is there anything

it won’t take?

Cancer’s game is destruction.

Barbed wire around organs

constricted and stabbed

for working.

Lungs riddled with it.

Every breath a growing burn.

I yearn to ease his pain

and pray peace

finds him in sleep.

Punching Bag

Can’t take another punch today

I wish this pain would go away

 

Another kick will lay me low

And put my heart through another go

 

No will to rise up and stand

Rather the Darkness holds my hand

 

I know well its bitter touch

And yet this world’s become too much

 

So as I lay down to sleep

I hope my soul, it will keep

 

For if tomorrow waits my gaze

I’ll welcome its numbing ways.

Restless (A Dizain Poem + Update)

Can’t stay still, can’t be bored, can’t close your eyes.
Keep moving, keep doing, keep producing.
Sleep is for the lazy, best chase your prize.
Ignore the slowing of time, keep trying.
When sun runs out, the moon will be rising.
Keep scratching that itch and hope it will pass.
Fill the void, the hours, with task after task.
Wish to God you could sit, relax, and breathe.
But there’s plenty to do, get off your ass.
No break from its hold, forget a reprieve.
P.S. I have started revising my book again. Guess this restlessness or anxiety can be good for something after all. I try and force myself to take breaks anyways, because they are necessary.
P.S.S. Take care of yourselves!

Awake, Kinda

I woke up today in one of the worst mental states I have ever had. Every part of me told me to go back to sleep, dream away the days and nights to come. I wasn’t able to do that thanks to a shih tzu who enjoys barking way too much.

Once up, for me, it can be tough to go back to bed and my husband offered to take the rest of the week off so that I wasn’t alone. That’s how off my moods have been for the both of us, but I told him not to, that I’d be fine.

I feel more human right now, but it is probably temporary. My body is tired as is my mind. I can feel that, but I am functioning more today than the past couple days.

Today is a down day, still, but I’m hoping I’m moving in the right direction from here.

My trick to keeping sane right now…. Playing video games (Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition). I play by myself, but I have more fun when my husband plays the game with me. It forces me out of my mind, so I am periodically indulging the distraction.

It is early afternoon, and maybe I will  manage to get something else done today (like folding laundry). If not, that’s how it was supposed to be today and I can be okay with that, for once.

I forgive myself for not being productive right now, because my mind and body have something they’re trying to get past (don’t know exactly what it is). My self-care for now is giving myself space to get ‘happy’ or ‘energized’. It won’t happen overnight.

Don’t forget to acknowledge your own moods from time to time and give yourself space to be in that place. Take care of yourselves.