Awake, Kinda

I woke up today in one of the worst mental states I have ever had. Every part of me told me to go back to sleep, dream away the days and nights to come. I wasn’t able to do that thanks to a shih tzu who enjoys barking way too much.

Once up, for me, it can be tough to go back to bed and my husband offered to take the rest of the week off so that I wasn’t alone. That’s how off my moods have been for the both of us, but I told him not to, that I’d be fine.

I feel more human right now, but it is probably temporary. My body is tired as is my mind. I can feel that, but I am functioning more today than the past couple days.

Today is a down day, still, but I’m hoping I’m moving in the right direction from here.

My trick to keeping sane right now…. Playing video games (Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition). I play by myself, but I have more fun when my husband plays the game with me. It forces me out of my mind, so I am periodically indulging the distraction.

It is early afternoon, and maybe I will  manage to get something else done today (like folding laundry). If not, that’s how it was supposed to be today and I can be okay with that, for once.

I forgive myself for not being productive right now, because my mind and body have something they’re trying to get past (don’t know exactly what it is). My self-care for now is giving myself space to get ‘happy’ or ‘energized’. It won’t happen overnight.

Don’t forget to acknowledge your own moods from time to time and give yourself space to be in that place. Take care of yourselves.

Continued

And the energy to be productive was nowhere to be seen today. I barely slept, or so it felt. Nyx, my tortoise coloured cat, is an eye witness to the tossing and turning.

Windstorm probably didn’t help, because it added the need to wake up early to put garbage out for pickup. Same with recycling. Our bins decided to fly half way down the street and required fetching, too.

Husband stayed home and has sorted papers (the ones I couldn’t help with). Makes me feel even more useless and worthless.

My mom is feeling sick so no helping her engrave more wine glasses today.

I ultimately feel like a husk that bounces back and forth between somewhat sane and happy to feeling worthless and wanting to sleep, Wish it would stop. I know at some point I am just going to have to push through it, but that didn’t happen today.

To be honest, the thought of trying to get past this makes me want to cry. I just don’t have it in me right now for whatever reason. I don’t even know what really triggered this sudden shift in moods.

All I know, I look around and am surrounding by continuing evidence that I am worthless and have nothing to offer.

Fingers crossed I snap out of it tomorrow.

 

P.S. Sorry for the back to back hopeless topic kind of posts. It helps a little to put it into words.