Continued

And the energy to be productive was nowhere to be seen today. I barely slept, or so it felt. Nyx, my tortoise coloured cat, is an eye witness to the tossing and turning.

Windstorm probably didn’t help, because it added the need to wake up early to put garbage out for pickup. Same with recycling. Our bins decided to fly half way down the street and required fetching, too.

Husband stayed home and has sorted papers (the ones I couldn’t help with). Makes me feel even more useless and worthless.

My mom is feeling sick so no helping her engrave more wine glasses today.

I ultimately feel like a husk that bounces back and forth between somewhat sane and happy to feeling worthless and wanting to sleep, Wish it would stop. I know at some point I am just going to have to push through it, but that didn’t happen today.

To be honest, the thought of trying to get past this makes me want to cry. I just don’t have it in me right now for whatever reason. I don’t even know what really triggered this sudden shift in moods.

All I know, I look around and am surrounding by continuing evidence that I am worthless and have nothing to offer.

Fingers crossed I snap out of it tomorrow.

 

P.S. Sorry for the back to back hopeless topic kind of posts. It helps a little to put it into words.

Tired

I am tired.

Tired of carrying the house’s chores.

My husband’s constant need for backrubs.

I am tired .

Tired of figuring out dinner night after night.

My dogs’ inane need to whine every morning.

I am tired.

Tired of feeling worthless, hung out to dry.

My siblings’ hateful gaze when I speak.

I am tired.

Tired of feeling alone, pulling myself up.

My inner mind’s dark, dark voice.

I am tired.

Tired of sleeping in, depressed.

My dream’s constant hold on me.

I am tired.

Tired of carrying everyone’s problems alongside my own.

My need to please all those around me.

I am tired.

Tired of throwing myself to the side.

My desire to put everyone else before me.

I am tired.

Why doesn’t anyone see that?

Why doesn’t anyone help?

Why doesn’t anyone lend a kind word?