Sugar

Sugar was her addiction
Add in caffeine
and high fats
She’d binge for days

She laughs as she jokes
her stomach’s made of iron
but sugar’s touch was felt

She wished to dine
on veggies
and fruits
Reap the benefits of health

But she couldn’t sustain it
Sugar called again
with a sip, a taste
and she answered

Fire’s Future

All flames burn down to ashes,
Left unattended, abandoned.
Much like gardens left to weeds,
And sparse rain falls.
 
Looking at my fire,
It weakens, only to grow again.
 
The wood I carry,
My dreams, my hopes, my desires,
But I carry my failures,
And my shortcomings, too.
If I burn only for a future,
What point was the past?
 
Learn from the letdowns,
And burn brighter for it.
 
The phoenix I hold inside,
Might die with the cruel waves of time.
It has come close before,
But still, I stroke it’s soft feathers,
And step forward into the night.
I will make my own sunshine,
My own fair weather days.
 
Until then, I prod the wood on fire,
And add fuel to its crimson flames.

Awake, Kinda

I woke up today in one of the worst mental states I have ever had. Every part of me told me to go back to sleep, dream away the days and nights to come. I wasn’t able to do that thanks to a shih tzu who enjoys barking way too much.

Once up, for me, it can be tough to go back to bed and my husband offered to take the rest of the week off so that I wasn’t alone. That’s how off my moods have been for the both of us, but I told him not to, that I’d be fine.

I feel more human right now, but it is probably temporary. My body is tired as is my mind. I can feel that, but I am functioning more today than the past couple days.

Today is a down day, still, but I’m hoping I’m moving in the right direction from here.

My trick to keeping sane right now…. Playing video games (Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition). I play by myself, but I have more fun when my husband plays the game with me. It forces me out of my mind, so I am periodically indulging the distraction.

It is early afternoon, and maybe I will  manage to get something else done today (like folding laundry). If not, that’s how it was supposed to be today and I can be okay with that, for once.

I forgive myself for not being productive right now, because my mind and body have something they’re trying to get past (don’t know exactly what it is). My self-care for now is giving myself space to get ‘happy’ or ‘energized’. It won’t happen overnight.

Don’t forget to acknowledge your own moods from time to time and give yourself space to be in that place. Take care of yourselves.