It Clicked!

Yesterday was the best day of writing I have had in a looooonnnngggggg time. I managed to get to 1,894 words! That’s equal to one chapter!

I will be honest though. It happened in a short span of time, early afternoon. The desk had not called to me and when I realized I was making excuses, I called myself on it.

“No, Kelsey,” I started in on my own lecture, “You’re not going to fumble about the kitchen until you’ve written for an hour, got it?”

And that forced my to the chair at my desk. What started as an hour, became two, and then three. At that point I needed a very late lunch and Andrew would be home in a few minutes. As much as I wanted to keep writing, I knew it was better not to push myself and burn out, but instead accomplish a few other things around the house.

Andrew was proud of what I managed to do, and thankfully, he help me clean the house this morning as a reward (or so I think). But yesterday, it finally clicked. My passion to truly write was back and I didn’t feel like I was forcing myself. It happened on its own and I didn’t even feel the time fly.

I am hoping to get some more writing done today, but I only do a little on the weekends so I can spend time with my husband. Plus, there’s the matter of my brother and my future sister-in-law’s Stag and Doe tonight!

There is going to be food and drink, and we recently committed to eating healthier. My husband can’t have alcohol thanks to his fatty liver and not long ago episode of pancreatitis. I choose not to drink alcohol, because of an uncle who based away from his addiction to the stuff. (I got really drunk once after his death and realized what I was feeling from its effects was what he had been looking for, too. Since then, don’t have more then 2-3 coolers in a year, if that).

The food will be another problem, too, since it will be all fatty, sugary shit. Andrew can’t have that stuff because of aforementioned pancreatitis and fatty liver. I can’t have it, because I’m sick of being heavy and unhappy. I’ve managed to get us exercising and we don’t really eat out much, but we do have larger portions of things we shouldn’t.

Anyways, wish us luck avoiding pop and junky food tonight! (and don’t forget some for my book, too!)

Break Us Down

Thrive on pain
Inflict suffering
Against us
And for us
All things are weapons to us
To break a soul down.
 
The good pass
We forget their ways
Speak kindly
And often
Instead we torture others
And for what, I ask?
 
A brief peace
By passing our pain
How about
We offer
To lift each other higher?
Together, we may yet rise.
~Thanks for reading! This was my attempt at a Shadorma poem (though it is more than one linked together). It follows a 3/5/3/3/7/5 syllable pattern, without rhymes. I find I enjoy the syllable focused ones as it adds a new challenge with words.
~I will also add it was my entry into a challenge on Prose. They post their own challenges and users can, too. It is a great way to find inspiration if you need it!

Writing With Needy Animals

My office seems to be the zone of extreme neediness in my husband and mine’s pet. Our two dogs hover around us, and the cats take turns looking for attention.

During the day, Jasper (our shih tzu) is pretty chill, choosing to sleep away the hours in peace then play with any toys. He’s been like that since he was a puppy and is now thirteen years old! My big issue with him is he has become an even grumpier asshole. He growls at the cats and the dogs for any perceived invasion of space or because they are purring. He settles down, but sometimes it takes a minute and you have to keep an eye.

Raven (our beagle) follows his lead somewhat. She’ll sleep a decent chunk, but if I talk at all, she is instantly pawing at me for some petting. She has periods of energy that are hard to burn out and she will fetch her toys, but keep away is really her game of choice.

Nyx (our tortoise coloured cat) is just a bitch if I’m honest. She swats both our dogs, and used to ‘hunt’ them, too. She caused a nice superficial cut on Raven’s ear that sent blood all over the place. Thankfully it wasn’t serious and just poorly located. Nyx is pretty much my husband’s cat so when he is home, she is with him. She runs to greet him at the door and it is quite cute and endearing.

My biggest issue when it comes to writing, or trying to, is my other cat, Hotch (he is solid black). He has a mouth on him. He constantly seems to be meowing. His food dish could be filled to the brim, and he will still sing a song of how he is starving. He meows for attention. He meows to announce his presence in the room. He rubs against my legs constantly when I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth. He rushes to the door when I let the dogs out. He loves my dogs, but it isn’t mutual for the most part.

The thing is, Hotch has no understanding of BOUNDARIES. If it weren’t for Nyx, he would spend the entire night sleeping ON me, purring. If I take a nap during the day (because I’m sick or whatever), he is ON me. In fact, I just had to move him from my keyboard and the desk. He thinks it is his nap spot. Mind you, he also sleeps where we dry our dishes and on our freezer chest.

I love all my pets, honestly, and despite the various problems they have, they are my furry, four pawed babies. I just wish there was someway to deal with them and be continually productive, y’know? Raven needs heavy duty walks which will come with warmer weather, but I have no clue how to change my cats’ behaviour to less obsessive.

Still, I managed to write 420 words so far regardless of the repeated interruptions!

Catching Up: A Late Night

Last night around 9pm my time, an old high school friend started a group conversation on Facebook Messenger with a couple of others that we knew from high school. It was definitely an interesting night.

In high school, I was kind of the group mom and considered a goody two shoes. I didn’t get high (never have, never will), and I wasn’t a big drinker. I helped them with school projects, gave advice, received advice. It was a couple of interesting years considering my friends were ones who enjoyed partying and getting high and dancing on the wrong side of the law (most of which I was not present for).

That said, it seems like everyone has been blown to different corners. One is currently teaching English in Korea, another is out in Alberta, another is in Halifax, and another goes back and forth from London to China from the sounds of it. Some have kids, significant others, good jobs or back in school. Most still get high and enjoy the odd party.

It is interesting to see how much and how little we have changed in that space of time. I know the instigator of the convo wants us all to get together at some time which will prove a interesting feat of organization. I’m not sure if I am good to meet up with them though.

I pretty much turfed most of those relationships at the end of high school for various reasons. I reached out to a few of them a couple years ago to apologize for that, but nothing went past that aside from one breakfast meet up.

Anyways it feels like all of them have these amazing lives or at least interesting tales surrounding their struggles. Quite a few of them did not have great home lives and are dealing with that. I just feel that my story, my time from then to now, is not as interesting. The changes in my life are more… mediocre? I guess is the word to use.

I don’t have a full time job. I put on a lot of weight from then. I don’t have a social life. I have a husband with health problems that seems serious and yet aren’t. I don’t have kids. I live in a house ready for demolition (or so it feels). I’m working on a book that I have no idea will go anywhere.

At the end of the day, I guess this online conversation reunion thingie has brought up things I wish had changed and ones I wished had not. There is nothing I can do about that now though aside from be who I want to be (not sure how well that is going to go). I can be envious of their lives or try and live my own the way I want, right?

Anyways, we will see what the future holds, as we all do in time. Take care of yourselves!

Update As Promised

Managed to revise five or so chapters today! While it is enjoyable, I still prefer the actual writing part which I should be starting tomorrow.

One more chapter to revise then it is time for creating!

Let you know how that goes!

An Old Drawing

Sometimes when tidying a house we find hidden gems. I found an old sketch book of mine, and in it was this drawing.

wolf.dreamcatcher.tatto.idea

I drew this what feels like years and years ago. I have always been a fan of wolves and foxes (any canine really). I also love dreamcatchers since I learned how to make them many moons ago. Anyways, this was a tattoo idea I had though it has to be altered (the black patches in the wolf would most likely bleed).

Figured I would share and then do some drawing or revising of my book. I’ll try and put a post about progress up later tonight! Take care of yourselves!

 

Know what you want. Become your real self.  ~ David Harold Fink

Despite The Fear And Hate

{Below awaits my attempt at the Quatern style poem. Hope you enjoy!)

 

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

And drop their sharp blades from your hands

Pick up the pen, and write again

Fill the pages with scrolling lines

 

Work with the light of day and night

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

Quiet the doubts swirling inside

Break free the bars that cage your might

 

Your tale needs telling, use your voice

Others will listen, given the choice

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

Use it to fuel your writing craze

 

It is a daunting task you’ve set

One many will never have met

Success awaits the effort, and

Stand tall despite the fear and hate

Restless (A Dizain Poem + Update)

Can’t stay still, can’t be bored, can’t close your eyes.
Keep moving, keep doing, keep producing.
Sleep is for the lazy, best chase your prize.
Ignore the slowing of time, keep trying.
When sun runs out, the moon will be rising.
Keep scratching that itch and hope it will pass.
Fill the void, the hours, with task after task.
Wish to God you could sit, relax, and breathe.
But there’s plenty to do, get off your ass.
No break from its hold, forget a reprieve.
P.S. I have started revising my book again. Guess this restlessness or anxiety can be good for something after all. I try and force myself to take breaks anyways, because they are necessary.
P.S.S. Take care of yourselves!

Time To Play!

I can’t believe how much I have done since 5 am! Cleaned my house from top to bottom (I will admit to tidying last night), and I shoveled my driveway and my neighbour’s. Now, I have time to play!

My sister asked me if she could come over and hang out for a little bit and I obviously agreed (part of why I felt the need to clean). She will be here around 11:30am(ish) after an interview for a new job. I’ll be playing hostess until about 2:30pm when I will take her to school and pick her up at 5:30pm.

As I have said in previous posts, I am not someone with a lot (or any) friends. I’d love that to change, but as it stands, my family and husband is all I got. Thus I love the fact my sister reached out to me. There has always been an invitation to message her and hang, but with her in university, I feel guilty stealing any of her time. She has friends and a boyfriend (who seems to be good for her), and those are who she spends her free time with when not studying or working weekends.

Since I spend 80% of my time alone, it will be nice to have some fun talk time! I will have to keep from starting arguments though. It’s my curse how easy I can start a fight and without ever meaning to. I’m hoping she’ll enjoy the time away from our parents’ place and the argument zone it can be from time to time.

This is probably the best part of being an older sibling. I get to provide a (kind of) safe place away from home. We all have gone through those times where we wanted nothing more than to run away from our parents. It doesn’t always have anything to do with them and their treatment of us; just a need for free space and independence.

Anyways I’m going to take a boiling hot shower, scrub myself clean, and relax until she gets here! Take care of yourselves!