high

Hold, Hold, Let Go

Holding a knife’s edge
it draws crimson droplets
that swiftly form a sea of red
It puddles beneath the hand
 
and still the grip tightens
Anger, Guilt, Passion, Hatred
Reasons to never let go
 
When memory fails
bitterness remains in its wake
 
The knife cuts only you though.
 
Or its dropped
and Relief is felt in a soft wave
 
washing over you
healing you from the reason
you couldn’t let go
 
The weight lifts and floats away
the chains unlocked
and you can soar higher now
as long as memory remains away
 
Pride and power come
from letting go
an invisible crown you wear
Succeeding, finally, at years’ long goal
But maybe memory still holds it.
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Wings Fall

Feathered wings beat the sky beneath

Rising higher and higher.

She smiled at the sun, its welcome warmth

And soared through the clouds.

Her hand reached for the softness of the blue sea

Yet grasped nothing within her palm.
Her red curls danced on her ivory shoulders

Now in the darkness above the clouds.

The stars shimmered, pure joy

And she breathed deep of the night.

Time passed slow as a blink

And she let herself plummet to the ground.

 

She sunk as if she were a rock dropped

And she savoured every moment of the fall.

Catching Up: A Late Night

Last night around 9pm my time, an old high school friend started a group conversation on Facebook Messenger with a couple of others that we knew from high school. It was definitely an interesting night.

In high school, I was kind of the group mom and considered a goody two shoes. I didn’t get high (never have, never will), and I wasn’t a big drinker. I helped them with school projects, gave advice, received advice. It was a couple of interesting years considering my friends were ones who enjoyed partying and getting high and dancing on the wrong side of the law (most of which I was not present for).

That said, it seems like everyone has been blown to different corners. One is currently teaching English in Korea, another is out in Alberta, another is in Halifax, and another goes back and forth from London to China from the sounds of it. Some have kids, significant others, good jobs or back in school. Most still get high and enjoy the odd party.

It is interesting to see how much and how little we have changed in that space of time. I know the instigator of the convo wants us all to get together at some time which will prove a interesting feat of organization. I’m not sure if I am good to meet up with them though.

I pretty much turfed most of those relationships at the end of high school for various reasons. I reached out to a few of them a couple years ago to apologize for that, but nothing went past that aside from one breakfast meet up.

Anyways it feels like all of them have these amazing lives or at least interesting tales surrounding their struggles. Quite a few of them did not have great home lives and are dealing with that. I just feel that my story, my time from then to now, is not as interesting. The changes in my life are more… mediocre? I guess is the word to use.

I don’t have a full time job. I put on a lot of weight from then. I don’t have a social life. I have a husband with health problems that seems serious and yet aren’t. I don’t have kids. I live in a house ready for demolition (or so it feels). I’m working on a book that I have no idea will go anywhere.

At the end of the day, I guess this online conversation reunion thingie has brought up things I wish had changed and ones I wished had not. There is nothing I can do about that now though aside from be who I want to be (not sure how well that is going to go). I can be envious of their lives or try and live my own the way I want, right?

Anyways, we will see what the future holds, as we all do in time. Take care of yourselves!

Stuck In a Rut

Sorry for the lack of posts over the past couple days. I spent yesterday helping my mom finish engraving the wine glasses for the bridal shower. It is good to have that off my shoulders now, and I hope they like them.

I ate more junk food yesterday than I normally do, and am coming off of a sugar high. To be honest, I don’t understand why I drink pop or eat sugary foods when I know it will take my body a few days to get back to normal. Instead of giving me energy, it depletes me, and I end up with the groggiest mind.

But your body ends up craving it and I get super irritable trying to cut it out though I’m trying. It doesn’t do me any good aside from a very temporary sense of happiness, and that in itself harms any chance of long term happiness I want.

Anyways, the real reason I am posting today is I am trying to look into new forms of poems to write. I want to challenge how I usually create a poem and find something new along the way. Hopefully it will help me keep my brain functioning and motivate me, too.

My book has not been touched since I last posted it, and that upsets me. I also feel like my posts are very last minute on here, and I want to change that. Obviously I’m in a bit of a rut and I’m going to do my damnedest to get out it!

 

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe