VSSPoem, Week 4

September 30th

A family gene

that jumped over her
#Charm
She couldn’t

Not with a filthy mouth

or dirty mind

Honesty in every word
She couldn’t

Not with a fearful heart

or dark soul

Her pain wishing to spill
Her family

#Charmed

Friends from foe

Neighbour

Stranger
But not her.

 

October 1st

My #identity is pasted on plastic cards

With a name

My height

My birth date

My address

But I am more

than a shitty picture

and basic details.

 

I have a voice

A face under my mask

 

Paper and Plastic

don’t define me.

 

October 2nd

#Trust is another thing

that rusts.

Breaks like a chain.

Nobody’s mistake.

 

October 3rd

This sword is sharp

Meant to cut

Render flesh

Into ribbons

Draw blood

With a jab

 

It’s thin

Like my #patience

Worn down

By quick words

And quicker stabs

 

Perhaps it’s best

I wield a wooden weapon

 

At least

Until I’ve proven

My #patience is stronger

My lips sealed

 

October 4th

Like a sun inside

The light fades

And #dims to darkness

Hides behind frowns

Forgets how

To even smile

She tries to rekindle

Reignite the flame

But the wick remains

Unburnt

The lighter flashes

To life yet drains away

And she remains

#dimmed

Time To Play!

I can’t believe how much I have done since 5 am! Cleaned my house from top to bottom (I will admit to tidying last night), and I shoveled my driveway and my neighbour’s. Now, I have time to play!

My sister asked me if she could come over and hang out for a little bit and I obviously agreed (part of why I felt the need to clean). She will be here around 11:30am(ish) after an interview for a new job. I’ll be playing hostess until about 2:30pm when I will take her to school and pick her up at 5:30pm.

As I have said in previous posts, I am not someone with a lot (or any) friends. I’d love that to change, but as it stands, my family and husband is all I got. Thus I love the fact my sister reached out to me. There has always been an invitation to message her and hang, but with her in university, I feel guilty stealing any of her time. She has friends and a boyfriend (who seems to be good for her), and those are who she spends her free time with when not studying or working weekends.

Since I spend 80% of my time alone, it will be nice to have some fun talk time! I will have to keep from starting arguments though. It’s my curse how easy I can start a fight and without ever meaning to. I’m hoping she’ll enjoy the time away from our parents’ place and the argument zone it can be from time to time.

This is probably the best part of being an older sibling. I get to provide a (kind of) safe place away from home. We all have gone through those times where we wanted nothing more than to run away from our parents. It doesn’t always have anything to do with them and their treatment of us; just a need for free space and independence.

Anyways I’m going to take a boiling hot shower, scrub myself clean, and relax until she gets here! Take care of yourselves!

 

Back To My Normal, almost

Bed was comfortable this morning. I cocooned myself in the blanket, my dogs were cuddled in, but I managed to pull myself from it to start the day.

I definitely have more energy (after playing some Hyrule Warriors), and I managed to shovel our driveway. Even my neighbour (who called the cops on us about snow removal) didn’t trigger me when she came outside while I was still out there. In fact, had we made eye contact, I probably would have given her a genuine smile and wave. I do feel she was trying to get a reaction from me, but I’m proud for not letting her bug me.

To accomplish that, I have started saying “She doesn’t matter” when I walk past the windows that face her house or have a thought about her. I only started yesterday, but it seems to be working!

Anyways, I am hoping to actually revise my book a little bit more tomorrow with this newfound energy. Fingers crossed it lasts! Just have to remind myself that this emotional state is temporary (though it never feels it when you’re in it), and to do what I can. I push myself when I need to, but I try to be gentle, too.

Maybe I’ll even fold clothes later today?

 

Ex-Friend Issue

Today is essentially going to be a rant post so if you are not interested, look away!

Anyways, yesterday, I had the cops knock on my door. They asked for my husband, Andrew. He wasn’t home so they told me that we had received a complaint about our snow removal.

A COMPLAINT ABOUT OUR SNOW REMOVAL.

When I found out it came from our neighbour to the left of us, I wasn’t at all surprised. We had had a falling out with her YEARS ago, and despite a brief verbal argument in the December of 2017, have avoided her since.

We used to be close to her, drink with her, go out with her, and helped her out on occasion too. However, she chose not to be friends with us after I had a mental breakdown and called Andrew (who was having a drink with her at the time). She heard me call her a bitch (which is due to the fact that she constantly tried to hoard people), but it wasn’t truly personal, I was spiraling.

She told Andrew that she didn’t want to deal with his drama (which is kind of what friends are for, right? An outlet to vent at). That was the final straw for both of us. She verbally attacked me after I had finished mowing my lawn, and I told her she has no idea what being a friend entails. (In the past, she had ignored us, because we refused to pick up orange juice for mimosas and other such events).

We have shoveled our driveway the same way, year after year. I try to do it in a way that very little would accidentally get on her drive way. There is only one spot where that is not the case and that is beside our garage. She shovels in a way that it piles up and spills through the chainlink fence. My dog has climbed said hill in the past to escape so now I make sure it doesn’t get to that point. (It is also blocked off as effectively as we could manage though windstorms have been known to destroy those kind of fixtures in our city).

I have only shoveled that area once this season and I threw it to back onto her property, onto the hill, as best I could. I believe this is what set her off.

Anyways the cops knock on the door and tell em about the complaint, but that they haven’t managed to talk to our neigh bour about it, she isn’t home. I told them she is home, she works from her basement and there’s a client car in the driveway. They go back to talk to her after talking to me.

For anyone who complains, it is important you answer your front door when the police show up to address it. They should not have had to walk back and forth plus it makes you look bad.

She tells them I threatened to kill her December 2017. That I drove over her lawn a couple summers ago. Blah blah blah. These are allegations with no evidence (though she claims she has footage of us driving on her lawn). We never drove on her lawn (to explain further, there is a grass median that separates our driveways, half is her’s, half is our’s).

The cops aren’t really concerned, only if she keeps calling will something have to be done. However if she keeps calling the cops on us, we’ll say it is harassment, because it is.

My husband also got a chance to talk to them, because I called him after they talked to me the first time. They weren’t worried about it, and even acknowledged she seems off.

Another side note for complainers, it looks better for you if you try to address the problem like an adult by talking to your neighbours first. She had said in the past she would talk to Andrew if there were any issues and she chose not to.

The end of the day, the cops seem to view us more favourably than they view her. It is also said that cops have to get involved in these matters. Our shoveling was not endangering her or causing damage to her property. She escalated it into a complaint without even trying to resolve it with Andrew (we had agreed in the past not to talk to one another).

It is a shame she has made this petty, and I know me ranting about it is petty too. I needed to get it off my chest though. I had been thinking of seeking a resolution between us through the means of a letter. I don’t want to be her friend again, I just want to find peace.

I clearly will not be doing that as she will keep the letter and try and paint it in a bad light if she ever calls the cops again.

What a winter it has been for us.