Chip Away At It

Sorry for the late blog post today, but Andrew and I have been on the go since early this morning!

We started tidying/organizing our Small Animal Room (which needs to be renamed, because Chewbacca, our Degu, passed away last week). It is essentially our storage space. We have a stand with built Lego on it. There is a filing cabinet with unbuilt Lego kits in/on it. There are a ton of shelves in there for a variety of stuff!

It contains day to day products like paper towel, toilet paper, kleenex, and ziploc bags. We tend to buy some of those items in bulk when on sale to save a bit of money in the long run. The down side to the money saving? The extra space it requires til it is used!

The room also holds various papers (cards, Andrew’s college stuff, adoption paperwork for pets, etc). We have collected other papers into the room to go through at a later date. There is a lot of space and other rooms that require attention before finer things get a look through.

We have rolling stands that now contain pet items like excess toys, shirts, sweaters, jackets, leashes, and some treats. Raven, our beagle, has quite the nose on her, and finds that stuff to rip through if it is left out. (Our two cats also like to help her, and Jasper, our shih tzu, sits back and waits for the rewards!)

Anyways, it is a catch all space. Thankfully some of that space will be cleared once items are relocated to the garage or donation centers (Humane Society and Talize are where we go usually). Andrew has Magic cards, kinder egg toys, naughty magazines (from his ‘younger’ days), and some other things that we will be looking to sell, donate, or give to friends/family in time. Mind you, that involves getting him to put the effort in which is much like yanking teeth!

After it is done, I plan on tackling our linen closet and bedroom next. Front hall and office will follow, and we’ll see where it goes from there. Our basement, mostly, is a contained, organized area that does not require the level of attention the rest of our house needs. At least there is that, right?

I am hoping decluttering will help my mind focus on writing, (I did manage to get a word count of 1,000 in the past two days), but it will take time. We have been watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix, and it helps motivate Andrew to tackle this stuff with me. It is helpful, but there are a few things I disagree with when it comes to her methods (I’ll leave that alone though).

Sadly, I don’t think I will touch my book over the weekend much, but here’s a prayer that I’ll get some much needed housework done!

 

To An Old Friend

[Another piece of writing from a Prose challenge. It struck a cord with me today, and part of me wishes if will find him. However I doubt it will.]
Dear Ryan,
      I wonder about you sometimes. We were childhood crushes, friends, the oddballs of our classes. We walked home together, every day, and hung out despite the weather’s goals. But then you moved away, and I didn’t hear from you for a solid year. We talked on and off after that; the periods in between growing more and more.
      Ever since then, I can’t help wonder about you and where you are in the world. Now and then I try to find you, but I always fail. You were troubled, had your issues in life, and I feel I’ve betrayed you. It worries me at times, to think something awful found you.
       You were my first love in life, and though we were only nine, ten, it felt real. I thought once we would be together forever, and yet the distance grew and grew. I did find another, years after we last spoke, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I guess fate had different plans for us in the end.
       I hope you found that somewhere in your life. You deserve it after all. And I pray it took your darkness away, or at least, keeps it calm.
       The white teddy bear you gave me, I held on to for years. I kept it in the same box, and held it sadly from time to time. It reminded me of the first time I saw you, introduced to my fourth grade class. I think I wrote something to welcome you, but the memory is vague now. In fact, that time is only remembered in bits and pieces of silliness, but it still brings a smile to my face.
        Anyways, if this somehow finds you, please reach out. I would like to know you’re still okay, and that love found you, too.
Fond Regards,
Kelsey E.

Routine Has Run Amuck

I thought I was making progress, waking up at 5 am, but alas it does not seem to be the case. While I did not have a lazy weekend, I very much wanted to relax with my husband, and don’t feel I got a chance to at all.

That is why on Monday when he asked me if I thought he should call in sick (because of his right ankle still recovering from some random injury), I said yes. I needed/wanted that day with him, and I feel like it set me back a bit. We had a good talk about things, but I also took like twenty-three naps, and felt super lazy. I didn’t post a blog or work on my book.

When Tuesday rolled around, my body had to recover from all the sleep the day before or so it seemed. I managed to post a poem (pretty much about this stuff), but no work was done on my book. I didn’t clean the house, and I left assembling garbage and recycling until Andrew got home (something I usually do at the start of the day).

Now, it’s Wednesday and it’s just after noon. I wasted the morning away on a stupid show (Thanks, Netflix, you piece of shit!), and am just now sitting at my computer.

I don’t think I can begin to describe the frustration I feel with myself.

I want to get my book done, honestly, I really do. And yet…. while I work on it, I am in a realm of possibilities instead of certainties. At this point, I don’t know if my book will flop or be successful. It is that very thought that seems to be holding me back right now.

The other fact is, the longer I take to edit/write my book, the longer it will take to embark on the path of being published (be it self published or with the help of a literary agent). That part could take a long ass time on its own, and I need to keep fighting my way there even if my opponent is myself.

This time loop I seem to be in needs to end, and today, I am going to do just that!

I vow to wake up at 5 am tomorrow (and leave behind whatever delicious dreams I find myself in), and write! I will post a blog and I will get more work done on my chapters.

I will do this day after day. It is abundantly clear I can’t give myself weekends off, or latch on to lame excuses. My routine needs to be reestablished, and while today may be lost in terms of productivity, the week will not be!

It is important to acknowledge that we all take steps backwards from time to time, or halt our progress, but that is when we must turn to ourselves (and/or others) for the motivation to move forward! While it is important to take care of ourselves, sometimes pushing to the edge when it doesn’t seem possible is the best way to do it!

I hope you all manage to find it in yourselves to tackle the projects you’re working on!

Best of luck in your journey and don’t forget to share some of that luck with me (and others), too!

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life. ~Lawrence Kasdan

It’ll Pass, Won’t It?

It seeps into the soul.

This Silence.

Absorbing all the noise.

All Energy.

It leaves its victims.

Fatigued and Ashamed.

Heartbeats pulse against a hollow shell.

Faint and Weak.

Eyelids close, weighed down.

Darkness.

All are stuck in this mire.

No fight.

It covers the whole body.

A burden.

Seeping into the bones.

Controlling.

And a lullaby sounds in the mind.

Desperate cries.

The ink jar runs empty.

Sleep descends.

Time slows til its frozen.

Death.

Don’t rebel against the nameless monster.

It’ll pass.

Won’t it?

 

Baking Soothes A Riled Soul

Yesterday I spent the day at my parents helping my mom back cupcakes. I got there around 9:30 am and was there til 10:30 pm. It was a day filled with sarcasm, laughter, love, and plenty of messes (especially towards the end).

The motto of the day, ‘I don’t care’, was sung and led to (partial) singing of I Love It by Icona Pop. If one of us asked a question, ‘I don’t care’ was sung in response, and led to some fun of its own. I think it kept us relaxed as we backed eleven dozen cupcakes.

Now, today is Superbowl 53 with the Patriots and Rams going head to head. (No, I don’t follow football or any sport at all, but my dad hosts a party every year with food, and so… what else need I know?) My brother and my future sister-in-law decided it would be a good cake testing time since my mom is making their cake. There will also be some bridal shower talk taking place with the mother of the bride.

She asked me to help, and of course I said yes. They won’t be told I helped, because they probably won’t eat the cupcakes if told. It was fun, but a lot of work as they were not traditional flavours. They were exotic, fruity, and alcoholic (and outside the typical box my mom and I bake in).

We made Triple Salted Caramel, Galatic (which involved Mars bars), Bourbon Cherry Chocolate, Carrot (weird flavour for a WEDDING cake, I think), Banana, Red Velvet, and Chocolate Covered Strawberries cupcakes. They each held their own challenges.

Carrot and Banana were easy to make. I’ve made Banana before (we used my recipe), but not Carrot. I dislike the flavour immensely. They turned out beautiful; nice roundness to the top, and with cream cheese icing, they’ll be delicious!

Red Velvet and Chocolate Covered Strawberry were the most annoying, because of the alternating of adding ingredients. They were also the last two we made and that could be why I found them annoying, too. I made a mess with the one, turning on my mom’s Kitchenaid Mixer to a high speed and sending flour everywhere by accident. Got us laughing though!

The Chocolate Covered Strawberry was tedious since the strawberries are dipped in chocolate and then chocolate is drizzled for adornment on to the strawberries. We also had to blend strawberries to put in the icing which tasted great, (good job, mom!), but they look amazing now.

Triple Salted Caramel and Galatic were fun and simple. Nothing beyond the normal there, and the Mars bars in the later recipe were probably a little heavy in the muffin tins. They melted and made everything gooey, which makes it horrible for a support cake.

The icing for the Triple Salted Caramel was good! I tasted it before the melted caramels were added, and it kind of took over the taste. You still got hints of the other flavours, but I would halve the caramels next time we make it. Thankfully my mom thought the same thing, but it is just a tasting, right?

The one I hated most to make though was the Bourbon Cherry Chocolate. It was ALL I COULD SMELL when making it. The bourbon was ridiculously strong, and I hope it baked off a bit. The icing also had bourbon in it, and it was all I could taste.

Now the reason I hated making the Bourbon Cherry Chocolate is I am not a drinker. In fact I can’t remember the last time I had anything alcoholic, and thus my tolerance is REALLY low. I can get drunk off a cooler or tanked off a shot of hard liquor. I don’t drink as a preference really which is enforced by having a family member who was an alcoholic til the day he died.

However my brother LOVES having a good drink, rum and coke style. In response, my mom pulled out a ton of recipes that called for alcohol, and he chose that one. I hope he likes it, but I definitely don’t want to help make 150 ones for their wedding.

I really needed the bake day with my mom, it helped re-energize me even if I am super sore today. (Literally can hear my feet screaming at me). Low energy has been a growing theme the past few days, and I’m still not back to my usual self, but I’m on my way there.

Before I forget, my word count was 398 for Friday. I got something on the page, but my appointment was at a weird time of day. It threw me off, and thankfully that will change in the next couple weeks. Instead of having an appointment every week, it will be once a month! Should speed things up!

Anyways, hope you all have a great day whether you’re watching the Superbowl, or enjoying your lives in other ways!

Something that you feel will finds its own form. ~ Jack Kerouac

P.S. I realize now I should have taken photos of the decorated cupcakes to show you guys! I will try and update it later with some!

 

A Barking Reminder

Sheer Will.
No, that’s a lie.
 
My dogs get me up
On the toughest of mornings.
Their incessant whining
Barking and prancing
Begging for food.
 
They don’t let up
Licking my exposed toes
Digging bony elbows into my back
Cold snouts pushed into my face.
 
They force me up
To feed them
Because I may not want to live
But I need to for my dogs.
 
It reminds me after a while
That those moments
Mean something
My life
Means something
To someone.
 
My husband,
My dogs,
My cats.
 
I may want to give up
See nothing to live for
But those barks are all it takes
to tell me
I’m needed, wanted, and loved.
 
That’s what gets me up
When there’s nothing to live for.
[To explain, I am a member on a website called Prose, and it posts challenges as do its members to prompt writing. I try to check it out everyday, and write for some of the challenges. This poem is for one of them.]

Drained, Disappointed, But Here

Yesterday was an off day for me. I woke up feeling drained, and with a headache (for the fourth day in a row)! I had an appointment that threw off my day, and the freezing cold we have here right now wouldn’t let me bounce back.

Our house apparently needs new seals or something, because our windows have ice on the inside around the edges, and our back door has it gathering at its base. It might just be the fact that for the past couple days its been -35 degree C, or that our house hates us. (It is a running theme of something new every couple of months creating a new problem).

Yeah, yeah, it’s winter, and I love winter, but it is kicking my ass right now or so it feels. At least I haven’t had to shovel since Monday which has been nice.

Since yesterday was a bad day, I didn’t get any writing done at all. No blog post here or editing of my book. I have another appointment today that wrecks my day, but I’m hoping to get SOMETHING done.

I usually clean my house Fridays, top to bottom and every nook and cranny, but I might wait til Andrew gets home. We’ll do it after errands (fingers crossed), but who knows?

Anyways, yesterday’s word count was zero, and Wednesday’s word count was 1,095. Today, I’m honestly hoping to get a sentence out of myself. I tried to the other day, but nothing was coming to me.

 

Forging Ahead: Alarm Clocks and My Word Count

Managed to get up at 5am again, but I will admit I hit the snooze button once. Like most people these days (I think), I use my cellphone as my alarm clock, and utilize the most annoying songs to wake up to: Meow Mix and I’m a Gummy Bear, respectively. While they wake me, they don’t force me to get up, and thus I downloaded an alarm app.

It has been… a work in progress.

It’s called Zelda Alarm (I do love The Legend of Zelda games), and I can choose songs from the various games to use. I currently use Deku Nuts Palace from Majora’s Mask, and it wakes me up even when I’m past the exhausted point. It makes me press keys to replicate the six note ocarina songs, forcing cognitive functioning right away.

My only complaint is it only seems to have two songs, and I’d love for that to change soon! But if you struggle to get up like I do, it has helped (plus putting my phone further from my immediate reach).

On to a different subject now, I was pretty tired after yesterday’s shoveling, and my word count was under half of the day before it. My word count was 551, but at least its something, right? Small steps are just as important as the big ones. Lack of sleep and winter were not my friends, and I forgive myself for it.

Today, I forge ahead despite yesterday’s failings.

I do need some advice, if any are willing to share. What are ways you take breaks from writing  (or whatever activity, chore, etc) that don’t keep you from returning to writing (or whatever activity, chore, etc)?

Usually, I find a show with short episodes, and try to just watch one which equals a 20-minute break. It’s easy to keep on point at the start, but once I get into the show, I’d rather watch it than write (sadly). I worry reading will end up the same way, too, and playing games on my phone does get me quite off track.

Part of me wants to try just walking on the treadmill for a period of time, but I think I will get bored of doing that, so I’m open to suggestions!

Winter, Writing, and Shih Tzus

Winter is my favourite season of the year! I love shoveling and snow and snowball fights!

The only thing is, where I live, we have on and off years. For example, last year was very mild and snow did not stay for long. The year prior though we got a lot of snow, schools had snow days, and it seemed every other day brought more snow.

This year has brought the snow. December was nice and mild, but January is proving itself the winteriest month ever! It holds the champion belt, for sure.

So, I have been up since 5am (which is great despite its rarity) to do one thing and that’s shovel. I did our driveway and backyard with Andrew’s help, but it didn’t end there for me. I headed to me parents’ to see that the plow had done their street and I shoveled their driveway and backyard (cause I try to be their favourite daughter, and I’m winning, clearly!).

If, at this point, you’re wondering why we shovel our backyards, it is for a simple reason. We own shih tzus who don’t like anything higher than an inch to go outside to do their business in. I also own a beagle who needs the paths to stay a bit warmer while outside (they serve as wind breaks at their current height).

After that, I went to my brother and future sister-in-law’s house to shovel their driveway, and give them a break. They both work somewhat hectic hours, and don’t have a snowblower (as far as I know). They do have a friend with a plow end on his truck who helps them though, and that’s probably the luckiest thing for them.

Once that was done, I helped a neighbour of my parents who I babysat for years ago, and then headed home for food, drink, and a relaxing shower.

Thus, the late start to my writing for the day! I wanted to get more time in, but I am sure to feel pooched sooner than later.

Yesterday’s word count was 1,362 which equaled one chapter (editing it will come later). I was hoping to write more today, but winter seems to throw snow chunks into my gears. Fingers crossed I can do it anyways!

Hopefully none of you readers have to shovel (much, if at all), and are taking an easy on this fine yet chilly Tuesday!

 

 

Anxiety At My Writing Desk

Today’s the day!

I am going to be starting a new round of editing on my book, and I am super excited! Okay, that’s a lie. I’m scared.

Scared as hell.

I could barely get out of bed. All I could think was, “What if I can’t do it? What if I make it worse?” My anxiety on it had paralyzed me, and to be honest, it still has me a bit frozen, but here I am!

Are this post, I get to it, but I figured I would show you the Beast it will be edited on.

My.Writing.Desk.jpg

Two screens for writing and researching side by side! I’m sure you also recognize some of my tools of the trade, too.

The only thing missing, is my cork board pegged with info to reference. I will be putting that today, and getting straight to work!

Sorry for not posting yesterday as well. Andrew and I got to tidying the office (where the writing magic happens), and then did some overhauling downstairs.

Excuses come to me naturally when I am trying to postpone something that scares me or drives my anxiety through the roof. (Joys of Generalized Anxiety Disorder). However I am using my anxious nature to my benefit today whether it wants me to or not.

We are also waiting on 10 to 15 cm of snow to shovel, so best get to it before I feel the need to go deal with that!