mind

2019: My Year of Change

It is the start of a new year, and I felt I should share some things. Make myself accountable to myself and the eyes of others.

To start with, I shared my book with a few individuals, and I am waiting on one to finish the last twelve chapters before getting her notes. I have received very good feedback, and believe most of it will improve my book. They definitely will add more thrills to the story line, and chances to connect with the characters. *fingers crossed*

I have to say it is great to be writing on here everyday (almost), and working more on my manuscript. Also, picking up books, and actually reading the amount I used to has been great too. I hope to query more literary agents in 2019 while both writing and reading to grow myself and my ‘craft’. Over the past few weeks, I have accumulated a variety of works by different authors to challenge myself in that regard.

January is always an interesting month for me, I find. Not only is it the changing of the year and the beginning of new dawns, but it is also my birth month. I will be turning 27 in eighteen days, and I have struggled with my age for a few years now. Growing baby pressure (from family and myself), a need to move from the house my husband and I have outgrown, and the fact that I feel I am stepping backwards in life make it tough to think “age is just a number.”

However, I am GOING to change that thinking this year. Too often I let the voices of others outweigh my own, and it isn’t fair to me or to them. They don’t get to see who I truly am, and I torture myself to fit their molds. I may be loud, boisterous, and absolutely abnormal, but there is nothing wrong with that or me. I may be crude, overly honest, and share too much about myself (before I get to know you), but that is who I am. I am not going to be ashamed or apologize for it anymore.

This year, I am going to fight for a healthy me, in mind, spirit, and body. I am going to continue pursuing my dreams of being a writer, and make it happen. This is the time to put energy towards projects, and make them a reality! I have no one to blame, but myself if it doesn’t come true, after all.

I know plenty of people are posting this kind of ‘shit’, but it is a way to air out the old and grasp the new we want for ourselves. Rejoice in who you are now, and make the changes you need to to be happy. That is what we owe ourselves and those who spend time with us. Denying our truths not only denies others our true spirits, but an amazing freedom we all have the right to experience in our lives.

So, to be one of those people, here is the sum of my resolutions for 2019:

  1. Eat better and exercise to become a happier, less negativity person
  2. Read more (outside the box), and write more (outside the box)
  3. Keep trying to get representation for my manuscript (also look into self publishing)
  4. Keep active on my blog, and learn from those on here
  5. Craft more too!

I know resolutions can be cheesy, and many die before the end of January, but this year is gonna be my bitch! (To put it bluntly). There’s a fire in me, and I am fanning the flames, and keeping it burning!

I hope this year is everything you want/need it to be! Remember, treat yourself and others kindly!

Just write everyday of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers. ~ Ray Bradbury

 

P.S. I am going to be listening to High Hopes by Panic! at the Disco on my rougher days to keep myself inspired. Any songs you think would benefit me on low energy, depressing, or just tragic days, share them! I will also takes motivating/inspire/truthful quotes, too!

Fearful Blossom

Darkness crashes like waves

Upon a shrinking shore.

It covers the horizon

Blackens the sun

And blocks the stars.

The moon ran away

Leaving me alone again.

No light shines here.

Not in the land

of Perpetual Shadows.

I long ago abandoned

Sight

For it takes me nowhere.

Not on this pedestal of sand.

Against the rising tide

I wither away.

A fearful blossom

Claimed by the decay.

 

Solitude

Quiet echoes off barren walls
Darkness fills the mind
And yet
In silent contemplation
Its emptiness is comforting.
 
Day after day
Week after Week
Locked in her room
She stays
Tempted to shed this second skin.
 
Instead
She holds herself tightly
The beating of her heart
Fills her conscious
And she falls in to the abyss
of her own making.
 
A key in the lock
A click
The door opens
Light shines through
And there…
 
The one person welcome
To shatter her world
And bring her into his.

The Mind Flutters

My mind has this bad habit of collecting scattered thoughts and images, and racing through them to find even more hiding underneath the messy pile. It drives me insane some days especially when I am trying to focus on anything. The racing has its moments though, because it is like I trip or stumble, only to fall on an idea I can’t shake off.

Today that idea was to continue reading James Dashner’s series, The Maze Runner.

I will admit I am my mother’s daughter in that I tend to read more romance novels than anything else, but before that shuts you down… I will read anything that calls to me, or strikes a chord, and while James Dashner’s first book failed to do that, I am glad I persevered. The Scorch Trials has me clutching it tightly to continue reading, something Maze Runner didn’t do. (This is where, I am sad to say, the movie realm can help books).

The movies, though I have not watched The Death Cure, were intriguing to me, and I decided after that to read the books to see where the story all came from. And The Scorch Trials is delivering so far. I may be less than a hundred pages in, but I have a feeling I will be finished reading it much quicker than the book before it.

The next series I will pursue, most likely, in reverse will be A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin. The show, Game of Thrones, has had me enthralled since the start, and I dislike the rushed ending it is coming to. I am glad I will have the books to relive the tales, and learn more about some of my favourite characters Tyrion Lannister and Arya Stark.

After that, who knows? Maybe I will grow my taste for books ever further, or revisit some ‘old’ stories with characters I have missed dearly.

One nice thing about science fiction was that we could steal from one another quite freely. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

P.S. I know it seems awful movies or shows came before I read the books they were based on, but sadly, my husband is not a reader. I have to compromise at times as anyone who is married or in a committed relationship knows! (Sometimes, we are on the losing side, but there are those few victories too!)