Argument, Writing, Revising

3, 062 words I have written today! Super happy about that, I must admit! However… I am only kinda following my writing schedule so far. There was a good chance it would have to adapt, and maybe that is all it is, but wrinkles were thrown into my plans despite my hopes.

To start with, last night I had an argument with my husband that left me emotionally drained. I hate feeling I have failed someone, one way or the other, and I am disappointing him AND myself. We both want kids, a better house, but it is tough to do when he is the only one bringing money in.

It was selfish of me to quit my job and start writing (which I was reminded is almost two years ago). It is a dream though, and sometimes… we answer them in less than opportune ways. That being said, we aren’t struggling financially, we’re doing fine (mostly), but we aren’t able to put money into this house to fix it up. That makes it difficult to move. It also makes it difficult to even plan on having a child. Both are goals for us and I feel like I’m not doing my part.

However this was the fire I needed under my ass. I have been avoiding working on my book, because I am afraid to fail. I am afraid it won’t go anywhere whether it is published traditional or I do it myself (tips on self publishing are welcome). I am afraid I made a super selfish decision that is hurting someone other than me for a dream that might never happen.

You can want a dream all you want, but it requires time and effort… along with some luck. I haven’t been putting in the time or effort, because pausing is easier than full steam ahead into failure.

But this argument is pushing me to get it done, because I need it to be done and out there just as much as my husband does. It may not bring in any money, but I put something I created out there and that matters, too. Right? I guess we’ll see.

Anyways, back to my writing schedule. I woke up at 4 am  which is step one. Buuuttttt…. it was to find my husband asleep in the office where I work. He has sleep apnea, doesn’t use his machine, so I felt bad waking him up. I fooled around for the next hour before he got up and I helped him get ready a lunch for work.

I didn’t feed the dogs like I should have until after, but I did eat, followed my morning routine, and played my apps on my cellphone (lame, I know). It was about 5:30am when husband left, but I didn’t feel I had time to exercise so I went right to writing and skipped the hour and a half I was supposed to read (whoops).

After that I ended up having lunch earlier than planned since my breakfast was small and I didn’t have a snack. I am at least in the section of the day where I am writing and blogging (from 10 am to noon as scheduled).

As much as I should read next, I probably won’t, because I am playing catch-up on my book which I had hoped to finish months ago. I don’t have a good excuse. I suck. I know, but I’m working on it now. That should count, right?

I initially had it written in that 1:50pm to 2:30pm would be relax with Andrew by watching an episode of something, but he has a doctor’s appointment. I’m hoping to get even more writing/editing/revising/etc done before then.

Hell, I’ll probably try to keep working while he watches whatever. That is how motivated I feel, but I know that spells burnout or an episode of hypo-mania. We’ll see how the evening plays out.

Tomorrow I am hoping to follow my writing schedule much more literally, but at least it looks like it could work for me… after some potential time management shifts.

Oh and here’s a quote to hopeful inspire, motivate, or move you to chase that dream of writing!

 

A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit. ~ Richard Bach

 

P.S. Seriously. I welcome any tips concerning getting published be it traditional or self. Links, input, advice. I live for it!

Here’s The Honest Truth

Advice. Feedback. Input.

Those are three things I am in need of today (and every day, if we’re honest). I started this blog December 4th 2018. Not so long ago, right? As it stands I have 54 followers (thank you very much by the way!) and have been going through a long dry spell of views.

I try to be honest to myself and post what I’m thinking, feeling, or wanting to do that day. It seemed like the best approach, but I’m stuck. While this has kept me writing something every day, it doesn’t seem to be pushing me on my book (though I am doing more with it than I was).

This comes down to my own personal drive, I know that. However I don’t know how to fix it. I see words or phrases like “Writing Schedule” and “SEO” and such…. And I’m lost on it. I don’t know where to find information on it (Google is not my friend, it seems). So I turn to you guys, my readers and followers for advice, feedback, input.

I’d love to see more comments on my posts telling me that it is what they want to read or pointing out issues or asking questions. To see this, I should start doing the same to the posts I try and read every day.

Also, I want to know what you guys want to see on my blog so that I am able to work on it. I love writing poems, attempting drawings, showing knitted projects (which I haven’t done in a while), and sharing my family struggles (or day to day ones).

I’m human and as such, I’m reaching out for a hand. How do you create a writing schedule? Where did you learn the whole SEO thing(s)? I don’t want to drown at this. I want it to work, and I’m sure we’ve all had these moments (be it days, weeks, months long).

I thank you all in advance for reading this and hopefully throwing a life line to a sinking swimmer!

 

Strawberry-Banana Smoothie = Easy

I have been making Strawberry-Banana Smoothies for the past couple days in a bid to add more fruit to my diet. They taste delicious and they definitely are satisfying. Plus it is an easy way to eat and write at the same time! So here is how I make mine!

-4 to 5 strawberries, frozen

-1/4 cup water

-1 whole banana, peeled

-1 1/2 tbsps greek yogurt

-a dash of cinnamon

 

Now I use a magic bullet and this makes about one serving. If you use an actual blender or whatever, play around with the measurements to find the perfect blend for you!

  1. I rinse the strawberries under hot water to remove any ice and to thaw them just a bit.
  2. Strawberries and water get blended together until smooth.
  3. Next, add the banana and greek yogurt. Blend again until smooth.
  4. Add a dash of cinnamon (or whatever amount you prefer) [optional step]

It will be nice and cold for you and ready to drink. It is the only way (aside from cake) that I will eat bananas since they have a funny texture. The potassium supposed to help my sore muscles and seems to have done so already.

My ‘secret’ ingredient, the cinnamon, is supposed to be good for boosting metabolism, and I don’t mind a hand in that department! (Don’t add to everything though, because it does ruin a good chicken burger!).

Anyways, I’m off to do my yoga and write more for my book! A late start doesn’t mean a day is ruined, after all!

 

It Clicked!

Yesterday was the best day of writing I have had in a looooonnnngggggg time. I managed to get to 1,894 words! That’s equal to one chapter!

I will be honest though. It happened in a short span of time, early afternoon. The desk had not called to me and when I realized I was making excuses, I called myself on it.

“No, Kelsey,” I started in on my own lecture, “You’re not going to fumble about the kitchen until you’ve written for an hour, got it?”

And that forced my to the chair at my desk. What started as an hour, became two, and then three. At that point I needed a very late lunch and Andrew would be home in a few minutes. As much as I wanted to keep writing, I knew it was better not to push myself and burn out, but instead accomplish a few other things around the house.

Andrew was proud of what I managed to do, and thankfully, he help me clean the house this morning as a reward (or so I think). But yesterday, it finally clicked. My passion to truly write was back and I didn’t feel like I was forcing myself. It happened on its own and I didn’t even feel the time fly.

I am hoping to get some more writing done today, but I only do a little on the weekends so I can spend time with my husband. Plus, there’s the matter of my brother and my future sister-in-law’s Stag and Doe tonight!

There is going to be food and drink, and we recently committed to eating healthier. My husband can’t have alcohol thanks to his fatty liver and not long ago episode of pancreatitis. I choose not to drink alcohol, because of an uncle who based away from his addiction to the stuff. (I got really drunk once after his death and realized what I was feeling from its effects was what he had been looking for, too. Since then, don’t have more then 2-3 coolers in a year, if that).

The food will be another problem, too, since it will be all fatty, sugary shit. Andrew can’t have that stuff because of aforementioned pancreatitis and fatty liver. I can’t have it, because I’m sick of being heavy and unhappy. I’ve managed to get us exercising and we don’t really eat out much, but we do have larger portions of things we shouldn’t.

Anyways, wish us luck avoiding pop and junky food tonight! (and don’t forget some for my book, too!)

Stuck In a Rut

Sorry for the lack of posts over the past couple days. I spent yesterday helping my mom finish engraving the wine glasses for the bridal shower. It is good to have that off my shoulders now, and I hope they like them.

I ate more junk food yesterday than I normally do, and am coming off of a sugar high. To be honest, I don’t understand why I drink pop or eat sugary foods when I know it will take my body a few days to get back to normal. Instead of giving me energy, it depletes me, and I end up with the groggiest mind.

But your body ends up craving it and I get super irritable trying to cut it out though I’m trying. It doesn’t do me any good aside from a very temporary sense of happiness, and that in itself harms any chance of long term happiness I want.

Anyways, the real reason I am posting today is I am trying to look into new forms of poems to write. I want to challenge how I usually create a poem and find something new along the way. Hopefully it will help me keep my brain functioning and motivate me, too.

My book has not been touched since I last posted it, and that upsets me. I also feel like my posts are very last minute on here, and I want to change that. Obviously I’m in a bit of a rut and I’m going to do my damnedest to get out it!

 

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Back To My Normal, almost

Bed was comfortable this morning. I cocooned myself in the blanket, my dogs were cuddled in, but I managed to pull myself from it to start the day.

I definitely have more energy (after playing some Hyrule Warriors), and I managed to shovel our driveway. Even my neighbour (who called the cops on us about snow removal) didn’t trigger me when she came outside while I was still out there. In fact, had we made eye contact, I probably would have given her a genuine smile and wave. I do feel she was trying to get a reaction from me, but I’m proud for not letting her bug me.

To accomplish that, I have started saying “She doesn’t matter” when I walk past the windows that face her house or have a thought about her. I only started yesterday, but it seems to be working!

Anyways, I am hoping to actually revise my book a little bit more tomorrow with this newfound energy. Fingers crossed it lasts! Just have to remind myself that this emotional state is temporary (though it never feels it when you’re in it), and to do what I can. I push myself when I need to, but I try to be gentle, too.

Maybe I’ll even fold clothes later today?

 

Routine Has Run Amuck

I thought I was making progress, waking up at 5 am, but alas it does not seem to be the case. While I did not have a lazy weekend, I very much wanted to relax with my husband, and don’t feel I got a chance to at all.

That is why on Monday when he asked me if I thought he should call in sick (because of his right ankle still recovering from some random injury), I said yes. I needed/wanted that day with him, and I feel like it set me back a bit. We had a good talk about things, but I also took like twenty-three naps, and felt super lazy. I didn’t post a blog or work on my book.

When Tuesday rolled around, my body had to recover from all the sleep the day before or so it seemed. I managed to post a poem (pretty much about this stuff), but no work was done on my book. I didn’t clean the house, and I left assembling garbage and recycling until Andrew got home (something I usually do at the start of the day).

Now, it’s Wednesday and it’s just after noon. I wasted the morning away on a stupid show (Thanks, Netflix, you piece of shit!), and am just now sitting at my computer.

I don’t think I can begin to describe the frustration I feel with myself.

I want to get my book done, honestly, I really do. And yet…. while I work on it, I am in a realm of possibilities instead of certainties. At this point, I don’t know if my book will flop or be successful. It is that very thought that seems to be holding me back right now.

The other fact is, the longer I take to edit/write my book, the longer it will take to embark on the path of being published (be it self published or with the help of a literary agent). That part could take a long ass time on its own, and I need to keep fighting my way there even if my opponent is myself.

This time loop I seem to be in needs to end, and today, I am going to do just that!

I vow to wake up at 5 am tomorrow (and leave behind whatever delicious dreams I find myself in), and write! I will post a blog and I will get more work done on my chapters.

I will do this day after day. It is abundantly clear I can’t give myself weekends off, or latch on to lame excuses. My routine needs to be reestablished, and while today may be lost in terms of productivity, the week will not be!

It is important to acknowledge that we all take steps backwards from time to time, or halt our progress, but that is when we must turn to ourselves (and/or others) for the motivation to move forward! While it is important to take care of ourselves, sometimes pushing to the edge when it doesn’t seem possible is the best way to do it!

I hope you all manage to find it in yourselves to tackle the projects you’re working on!

Best of luck in your journey and don’t forget to share some of that luck with me (and others), too!

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life. ~Lawrence Kasdan